Three ways you seem unapproachable.

We’re stepping into our Women of Wisdom series, and talking about ways to effectively mentor the next generation of younger women.

Many of you said that one reason you would not seek counsel from an older woman was if she was unfriendly or unapproachable. You mentioned that you shy away from women who are moody because you “never know what you are getting into.” I totally agree.

This is why we need to be approachable and consistently so.

Approachability is a social grace. It requires gentle, wise speech, a calm, caring demeanor and the ability to make another feel at ease.

The opposite would be harshness with dealing with others and not using your mouth for God’s glory. Perhaps you are used to speaking your mind, or speaking too much or too often. Being overly opinionated over secondary issues is also a problem. Maybe people can’t relax in your presence because they never know what you’ll say next.

Let’s look at three ways you could come off as unapproachable.

Three ways you seem unapproachable.

1. You appear to be always busy or disorganized.

We are all busy. We have more modern conveniences than women in any other time period and yet we are still busy.

Taking time to mentor is a sacrifice of love and time. And if you are a mom of little ones, you know that despite your best attempts at organizing your day and being efficient in your routines, the bottom line is that sometimes your kids just need you right now! So you drop your well laid out plans and just tend to the needs of that one.

Jesus teaches his followers to be careful not to allow crowds, packed schedules and busyness to get in the way of people who truly need help. They are what’s important. You’ll always have something that needs immediate urgent attention. That’s life! But ask God to give you discernment so that you don’t ignore sincere cries for help. Ask Him, “How would You want me to treat this person.” – Elizabeth George

Hebrews 4:16 tells us that  we should come boldly before to the throne of grace , that we might obtain mercy and find grace to help in our time of need. Our Lord is approachable. Even in Christ’s busy moments, he had time for the “one.” Remember when He was preaching to the crowd in a packed house, and just one more person wanted his help. So his friends tore into the roof and lowered the poor guy down for healing? Jesus, stopped and healed this man.

2. You are moody.

Up one day, down the next? Warm smiles one Sunday, cold shoulder the next? If you have ever had a moody person in your life, you know that the safest recourse is the old “quick wave and “hello,” and keep on walking”, because….scary. Nobody has time to figure out why a 50 year old woman is sweet one day and sour the next. Life’s too short for that.

When my kids were little, I would tell them that there are two kinds of people in the world: A “Here I Am” person or a “There You Are” person. The first is self centered; the second is others focused. A moody person cannot “see past the end of their own nose,” as my father use to say.

If people never know how you’ll be from day to day, they will not bother to get close to you. It is safer to be casual acquaintances.

If you are moody and broody, ask God to show you what is eating you. Ask Him where you are defeated in your Christian walk, and where you need to confess your lack of love for others. Ask Him to open your eyes to the needs around you so you’ll take the focus off of self.

Seek to be a woman with an open heart, ready smile, and peaceful spirit. There’s nothing that qualifies a person more to mentor others than a woman who has lived through life’s ups and downs and trusted God for her satisfaction and joy. That woman, everyone wants to be around!

 3. You don’ t associate with certain people.

Do people of all races, abilities, economic backgrounds, and spiritual maturity know that you will be kind and loving to them if they approach you?

Look around at your list of friends and see how diverse it is. Do you make those with physical differences feel welcome? Do you treat the rich differently than you treat the poor? Do you only love those who agree with your theological views? Do you conjur up a smile for the influential, but ignore the least of these?  If so, why have you become a respecter of persons? God isn’t.

We see many examples in scripture of Christ loving, talking to, and touching the “social outcasts” of his day.  Samaritans? He sought them out. Lepers? he touched them. His nature is to show compassion. He could have spoken the leprosy away. But perhaps that leper had been treated like a trash because of his disease and Jesus knew that his touch would not only heal his body but a part of his soul.

Words like “Come unto me, all you who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest,” show the approachability and willingness to help anyone attitude of Christ.

If we would make a difference, we have to be approachable. We need to cultivate a loving heart and a hospitable environment in our homes and lives.

What other qualities make women seem approachable to you?