Love Is Kind

I recently heard an older Christian woman speak on kindness. She spoke of things that  hinder kindness in our lives, such as envy, anger and bitterness. She also brought up the sin of “sinful, uncharitable judgments.”  Charity is the old English word for love; hence uncharitable means unloving. In 1 Cor. 13, we are told what real biblical love looks like. It is patient, kind, humble instead of boastful, not self promoting, not insisting on its own way, etc…

I was thinking of all of the ways that we try to show God that we love Him as described in 1 Cor. 13. We serve him: speaking with eloquence, using our gifts, preaching and teaching, and even giving our body to be “burned” and yet all of these acts without love are nothing to God. The pharisees did  many of the commanded “acts of worship”, but they did them without love. They tithed, but sounded a trumpet before them to be seen of men. They fasted, and made their faces sad. They prayed, but with the wrong posture of heart and  focus. They twisted these things for their own benefit. They sought glory for themselves, and hence they were “with out  love.”

Sinful, unloving judgments look like this. We think we know why someone is doing something, so we state their motive or judge them harshly. Problem is we cannot know a persons heart. And when we decide that we DO know a persons heart, we put ourselves in the place of God, for He is the only discerner of hearts.

• “She hasn’t returned my call. She must not value our friendship.”
• “Why didn’t she didn’t ask my opinion? She must not respect me.”
• “She hasn’t been to church. She must not be committed.”
• “My husband is late again. He doesn’t value my schedule.”

Sinful judgments include:

• judging before you hear a matter fully (Prov. 18:13)
• hypocritical judgments (condemning others for something you do yourself- Matt. 7:3-5)
• legalistic judging (condemning others choices on things the scripture is silent on, like  diet, clothing, educational choices, home decor choices, vacation choices, etc…They do things differently than YOU would do them. Oh my! )
• unmerciful judgments (imposing exacting standards others…just  watching and waiting for them to do something you don’t  like)
• arrogant judging (proudly assuming I know another persons motives and not giving them the benefit of the doubt.)

These judgments come from a proud, arrogant heart. Romans 14:4. “Who are you that judges another man’s servant? To his own master he stand or falls.”  Need a dictionary definition of arrogance? “A strong feeling of self importance that is expressed by treating other people with contempt or disregard. It is an offensive display of superiority or self importance; overbearing pride.”

If men were humbly sensible of their own failings, they would not be very forward or pleased in judging others, for the censure passed upon others would but rest on themselves. There are the same kinds of corruption in one man’s heart as in another’s; and if those persons that are most busy in censuring others would but look within, and seriously examine their own hearts and lives, they might generally see the same dispositions and behavior in themselves, at one time or another, which they see and judge in others, or at least something as much deserving of censure. And a disposition to judge and condemn shows a conceited and arrogant disposition. It has the appearance of a person’s setting himself up above others, as though he were fit to be the lord and judge of his fellow-servants, and he supposed they were to stand or fall according to his sentence. ~ Jonathan Edwards

Back to “unloving judgements.”-Bitterness of spirit taints all of the judgments of a angry person. If you are bitter then you have not forgiven someone else. You remember all of the wrongs that person did to you and you nurse your hurt, playing the offensive words over and over again in your mind. You start our wallowing in self pity, but then you decide to make that person pay.  You become the debt collector and  seek vengeance on the person who  offended you.  You take vengeance into your own hands, when it belongs to the Lord. “Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping another person will die” according to Nancy Leigh DeMoss.  It destroys the person who set out to destroy another.

You can tell a bitter person by their tell tale countenance. They love to tell others all of the “stuff” that the other person did to them every time they can.  They give the cold shoulder, the evil eye, and mistreat the person they are bitter toward. They seek to REPAY. They are just plain miserable. Imagine living with a contentious, bitter person?

The Bible is clear in James 4:1 and 2  that if you are questioning why you are in so many problems and quarrels with other people, the problem is your evil lust/desires that war inside you.” We desire something and cannot have it, so we fight/war for it.  “Cravings always underlie conflict” is a quote I recently read, and it is true. We war because we care more about getting what we want than we do about God’s glory.  Christ tells us to be kind, but so many times we go another way. Warring, disputes, anger, wrath, vengeance….It is a long, ugly, sinful road.

If you are with a person who makes unloving judgments, stop to think what kind of heart would speak that way.  A spirit filled heart, one that is humble ,would speak well of others. It would be kind and courteous, gentle and gracious. The heart behind an evil tongue, one that spews forth its corrupting communication is not kind to say the least , and therefore the problem lies with the one spewing the venom. If you can confront that person, do so. If they are an angry sort, change the subject.  Then, it would be wise to not have a close friendship with the angry person. “Make no friendship with an angry man.” Why? Because the Bible makes it clear that friendship with a person in that state is not wise. You will either be hurt by their anger or become like that person. And you do not want to ruin your testimony by having a close friend with someone who has not learned to bridle her tongue. Find a godly older woman who has learned to restrain her tongue and who guards her heart against unloving judgments, and pray that you will not be tempted to return “harsh judgment” for “harsh judgment”, but instead stay silent or render a blessing.

Further study: Read Jonathan Edwards on the topic here.

Read an excellent article  on appropriate and inappropriate judgments here.