Why I’ve been MIA :)
This past week we had National Hoops Ministries come to our church to do an Evangelistic outreach for our areas teens.
Peter and I cannot speak highly enough of this ministry. The kids who come out for the event are usually totally unchurched and unfamiliar with the gospel of Jesus Christ.
We had 17 kids trust Christ this past weekend, and we were blessed to be part of that.
Jonathan Washer stayed with our family. He really has a heart for kids and our own kids adopted him as a sort of older brother…at least Hope felt right at home teasing him and giving him the business during a game of Monopoly.
He was a great sport as he joined in with our families activities.
You might remember that his wife, Emily guest posted for us and wrote Great Expectations? last year, which was a blessing. Emily was not able to come, as she has another “Great Expectation” coming in about 9 months. 🙂
This weekend was also Mother’s Day. We celebrated by having my side of the family over for lunch. Both of my grandmothers are still living and we were able to enjoy a lovely afternoon with them.
We also heard a wonderful sermon at church on Sunday about the importance of living a life of faith as we raise our children. Peter’s brother spoke about Moses’ mother and her knowledge of God. He included this quote which was excellent:
“You can do all sorts of things by faith. It rides the whirlwind, but it threads the needle; it climbs up to the throne of God, and yet it stands by a baby’s cradle; it can obtain the promises, but it can sit down and twist bulrushes [Moses’ mother] THERE IS NOTHING THAT FAITH CANNOT MAKE NOBLE WHEN IT TOUCHES IT. You need not say “I want to get away from my daily business, or from my domestic concerns in order to show my faith.” No, no; stop where you are and show it. ”
~Spurgeon on the “Hiding of Moses By Faith”
Many times I believe mothers interfere with what God has planned for their children’s lives simply by refusing to let go of them, as though they can protect/guide them better than God can.
Pastor John spoke of Jocabed, Moses godly mother, who had no dillusions about her ability to protect little Moses, so she released him into the hands of a God who could.
If God has willed something for your child, don’t you think that grasping and overprotection (really fighting with God over your “perceived control”) is damaging to your own faith, your child and to your testimony?
Why proclaim a God you cannot trust with your child?
So many women believe that they are in control of their kids. Although we do have the responsibility to protect them in our homes there is a huge difference and a fine line between “motherly protection” and being over bearing control freaks.(read: I trust nobody but myself. Only I know what is best for my child.)
I had a young girl tell me, “I hope I am never like my mother.” That is just plain sad.
In youth ministry, we have seen the whole spectrum. Total indifference to what a kid does on one hand, and totally micromanaging a child so that they are unable to function in the real world. One end of the spectrum is negligent of their duty before God to guide the child in the right path, and on the other end of the spectrum, the parent is guilty of self sufficiency and trying to play god.
Mothers need to check their feelings and hearts to make sure that their children have not become their idols.
SPEAKING of teens, our oldest leaves in one week of a ten week missions trip. Please pray for her safety and that God would be real to her this summer. It is my prayer that her walk with God will be deepened as she is forced to depend upon His grace and strength this summer.
Did you make any resolutions this past Mothers Day? Can you trust God with your kids?
Hi Sarah, Thanks for posting about National Hoops Ministry, I am going to tell my pastor about it and see if it is something that my church might want to do. 🙂
You’ll not be disappointed. Good people!
YES thank you!! I need to print this out and review this a few more times 🙂 I feel like first-time obedience is something we’ve been teaching since my son was born (he’s 6!) but like you said it’s a long process. I really really appreciate you explaining that more and for giving the example of how the Lord dealt with Israel in their disobedience, which is how He disciplines believing adults too (from what I’ve seen in my own experience.) I do the differences between the times I require first time obedience out of convenience vs. love and God is speaking to me clearly about that. I know too from Bible reading and prayer that only God can change my children’s hearts so I teach and train them and leave the results up to God. Thank you for the reminder that you can’t parent out of fear – the Lord has also been showing me so many verses lately about fear and it’s been eye opening. Thank you SO much for being a Titus 2 woman!! 🙂 It’s more than helpful!
This was great and you decorate beautifully 🙂 I really liked the question – Why proclaim a God you cannot trust with your child? That is so simple yet profound. I do have a question, though, to gain more understanding. You mention a fine line between motherly protection and overbearing control – at around what age do we begin to let our children go and trust them more in God’s hands? Is this dependent on their maturity or are you speaking more toward the teen/young adult group? I know there are people who have thought that me homeschooling was a way of being controlling when the only thing I’m trying to control is what my children learn 🙂 Just wanted to better understand the idea behind that and behind making children our idols…thanks!
Yes, I am talking about preteens to teenagers. Young children need to obey whether they understand or not, but parenting should shift to coaching in the pre teen years, gradually. As wisdom increases and critical thinking skills grow, they should get more freedom. Of course, always talk to your kids to tell them why we do what we do.
For instance, a toddler will be put in a playyard/gate because he doesn’t have the good judgement to not run into the road. As a child becomes older, the playyard is gone and other boundaries apply, like “stay in this part of the lawn or you’ll have to come inside.” Then eventually, as they can be trusted to follow the rules, the boundaries are dropped. BUT, if you had a 10 year old who constantly ran into the road despite your warning, you may have to have strict boundaries with him because he is not exhibiting common sense or willingness to submit.
I believe that you should train young children to be obedient (first time obedience- right away with a “happy heart” is the goal), and then when they are characterized by obedience (not perfect!) you begin giving them toward more freedom. This is a LONG, FRUSTRATING process and it will never be perfect, because all of us are sinful.
A wild child needs boundaries because they are not willing to submit to their authority…something we all need to learn. Many people teach that they really just need more attention and understanding. I could not disagree more. A child who will not obey should not be coddled. They should be corrected, and then brought into a restored relationship with whoever they offended…and then life should go on pleasantly until the next offense/correction/restoration. This is the cycle we saw with Israel. Sinned, punished, repentance,restoration, repeat.
A wise parent knows that obedience IS God’s will for their lives, because it is stated in Eph. 6:1. just as it is God’s will for us to obey our authorities.
Today we have this huge shift in thinking, which is due to another unscriptural approach to parenting: the “do what I say and don’t ask questions” mentality that was popular for the last 50 years. The parents felt it was their right to “reign supreme” and without question or explanation. Unfortunately this type of parenting neglects the heart of the child and many children raised that way struggled and bristled at this kind of authority.( which they should have…it lacked grace and humility and was NOT the way that they would want to have been treated.)
SOO…we have this huge shift which now basically says that children need to be “coached” right from the beginning, and many even teach that expecting obedience is dangerous. That to teach them to obey is to stifle them. Unfortunately, this is also unbiblical and I think rooted in fear or at least unbelief to some extent. If God tells me that this is His will, simple as it sounds, shouldn’t I trust that that is what is best for my child??
If God tells me that I have to obey my authority, and I look upon this as oppressive or cruel, my problem is with God and his Word.
If we think that obedience in children is oppressive or outdated, again, the problem is with us. Fear of losing a child is unfortunately a lack of faith in God’s word. I will say that if you are requiring first time obedience in a cruel manner, or in an angry manner, you are also sinning and should not expect for God to bless that. Yelling, verbal abuse or name calling or out of control/angry hitting is JUST PLAIN WRONG and God is particularly interested in protecting those who cannot protect themselves ( children, widows, orphans.) That is a scary thought. He is a God of justice, and hates, hates those who judge unrighteously.
Also, right now, a particular problem that I see is that parents really value the child liking them(apporval/friendship) more than they value obedience to God’s word. You can never parent out of fear, but only faith. Someday your kids will be your friend, hopefully because you are both grounded in God’s truth. You, that you faithfully parented, and them, that they will appreciate your faithfulness to God’s word.
One of the biggest temptations is to make our kids friendships paramount. But that is never a guarantee. And God forbid that your child should choose the wrong path, or in any other hardship for that matter, God will still be God and will be all that you need.
Sorry that this has become an absolute novel, 🙂 But I was talking about parents who must control everything even when their child is at an age and of the ability and character to do it themselves. Does this make sense??