Five Things I Have Learned About Ministry Life

After last week’s Missionary Wives Series, I’ve had several women ask me to write about our ministry life and what I’ve learned.

So, today I am going to give you five things that I have learned so far in ministry life. These five thing have brought me sanity as I walk beside my husband in the church. Not that I am an expert by any stretch, but this is what I’ve learned.

—->I am using the term Ministry Wives to cover all the bases: missionaries, pastor’s wives, youth pastor’s wives, evangelist’s wives, etc…Henceforth and forever known as MW’s for the sake of this article. Mkay?)

1. Being married to a ministry man does not completely define you as a person. 

If Peter became a plumber tomorrow, I would still be Peter’s wife. When pastor’s wives become defined by their husband’s occupation, it’s not healthy. I am my husband’s helper, yes, but my identity is in Christ. I am a member of the church. I am Peter’s wife, and he happens to have a certain job/ set of responsibilities at our church. If that changes, I am not going to have an identity crisis or wonder where my value in the church lies.

2. An effective pastor’s wife has a right relationship with God and others.

My main priority is to be in God’s word and reading and growing myself. If I am not doing this, my “ministry” is ineffective, and I am doing the ministry harm. We all know that God’s word teaches that my relationships with others shows my true relationship with God.

You cannot properly represent Jesus Christ while you are giving “one of His sheep” the cold shoulder. The end.

You cannot show others the transforming power of the gospel if it hasn’t changed you. If you want to be effective, live out the scripture. When you mess up, make it right scripturally.

3.  An effective MW is teachable and communicates knowledge humbly and lovingly.

Pastor’s wives get all weird when they believe that everyone is looking to them for ALL the answers.

And when we try to have all the answers, we fail miserably. Nobody has all the answers, and anyone who tells you differently is selling something. Knowledge is a gift–a blessing– and it needs to be used humbly, not sinfully to bolster your own ego or pride. Knowledge puffs up, but love edifies another believer.

We all learn from each other. A friend in another ministry once confided that she knows that God uses her sisters in the church to encourage, rebuke and minister to her. She loves spending time with them, because she knows that God has her IN the body, (vs. ABOVE the body) for her own growth and good.

This woman is godly because in her humility she recognizes that SHE is growing, so she is setting the right example for her husband’s congregation. (and, I might add, this makes her approachable and her husband’s congregation loves her from what I can see.)

I am thankful for my friends in the church who help me with child raising issues, and give me godly advice when I need it. You can’t benefit from the body if you are isolated from everyone else. We need each other.

4. An effective MW wife is approachable, yet not in your face.

There is a fine line between being friendly and being “in your face” in an uncomfortable way.

People love my MIL, because she is always available to listen and care and she is consistently kind and gracious to the congregation.A smile and genuine listening goes a long way toward making someone feel at ease.

Some good news: the whole of church attendance does not hang in the balance of whether or not you greeted every person who entered the door.

No need to run around the church like a chicken with your head cut off trying to speak to every person in the building. Say hello to a new-comer, yes, because you love them for Christ’s sake and NOT because you are trying to get them to attend your XYZ church. Don’t even ask if they have a “home church.” That really is NOT the issue. The issue is do they know Christ personally?

On Sunday, seek out the people that God lays on your heart. Listen to the people who come to you for comfort. Encourage the hurting.

5. People will be as  sincere/loving/open with you,

as you are

sincere/loving/open with them.

Many pastor’s wives feel lonely and ineffective. If you read any ministry manual you’ll see that this is a common problem.

I believe this is due to the fact that ministry women have believed the lie that somehow their situation is so special and complicated

and

that they imagine themselves in such a high and lofty position in the church that they cannot possibly form friendships with the female laity. (pride)

Bingo. Satan wins.

Satan isolates MW’s by deceiving them into thinking that they cannot have friends in the church…even though this is not seen in scripture anywhere.  And even though Jesus himself had friends. Hmm…think about that for a moment.

This is crucial because many ministry wives wonder why other women don’t come to them when they have problems, and why other women in the church don’t respect them. People go to the people that they KNOW care about them.

The old adage is true:

Nobody cares what you know until they know how much you care.

People will NOT warm up to you:  {read: YOU disqualify yourself from being able to effectively help people…}

• if you ask all the questions and then keep them at an arms length distance by never giving them a glimpse into your own heart.
• pretend you never struggle with sin, and act as though you can’t relate with their struggle.
• if you seem like the moral policewoman of the church. (Do you feel led to let everyone know whether you would do it that way or not? Not your job…unless you are asked of course.)
• if they never know what kind of mood you’ll be in. You might be super saint one minute, drive-by-advice-spewer the next.

So there you have it. This is what I’ve learned thus far.

I know this list is incomplete. What would you add?