Why You Should Carefully Consider Your Mentors {and what to look for!}

This week I wrote my most controversial article to date. It was a negative book review of Debi Pearl’s Created To Be His Helpmeet.

I gave one reason to not read the book: because it was not “Christlike” in spirit and we tend to become like those we learn under.

I pondered whether Debi’s followers would mimic her methods (harsh name calling, lack of grace, etc…) when dealing with their own children or  Titus 2 mentee someday. 

When I wrote the article, I had no idea of the negative backlash I would get from her followers and supporters. The comments that I had to moderate were demeaning, rude, and…well… just like her book.

In their eyes, I may be a “dumb cluck”, but NOW I feel my concerns were legitimate. Her followers, are indeed, acting just like her.

So, I sat down to try to pencil out what I thought were important qualities in a Titus 2 mentor. Things to look for and to avoid. Because we all tend to become like the people we admire and follow.

So, I humbly offer you this list:

Some things to consider when choosing a mentor or choosing to sit under the teaching ministry of anyone:

1. Does this person know Christ is a way that has changed their life?

Christ did not save us to leave us the way we were in our sinful state. His word cleanses and changes us to be more like Him… by degrees…every day…little by little.

2. Does this person display the qualities of Christlikeness specified in scripture? If they fail, do they make things right? (We all fail! 1 John 1:9)

3. Does this person have a solid knowledge of scripture?

Anyone can quote scripture and make it say whatever they want, but that does not make it “scriptural.”

4. Is grace displayed for differences?

Is everything a “major” point? (standards, preferences, “we do it this way”…is it all or nothing?) Does she have an a condescending it’s “my way or the highway” attitude with you?

5. Is conformity the central issue?

Is conformity talked about more than the condition of your heart? Is she irritated when you don’t follow her advice?

6. Do they have a good reputation with those who are “without?”

What would their neighbors say of them? Are they well spoken of in their community?

7. Is this someone you’d want your daughters to be like? Would you want your son to marry a woman like this?

8. Do they teach with humility?

Or do they have to be the authority on every subject. Do they talk with you or down to you. Big difference. (Beware the person who can never admit that they struggle with anything! They are hiding something. Growing Christians are transparent.)

9. Are they Spiritually Mature?

Of course, we can learn from a variety of people at all stages and we should. We can even learn from the bad qualities of others. (How not to act!)

But a spiritually mature mentor lives a life that is concerned with pleasing God, digging into His word, praising God and telling you what God is teaching THEM.(click to tweet this.)

—->They are not so concerned with your sins and problems because they are so busy taking care of their own sins. (Beware the person who is constantly vocally pointing out the shortcomings of others.)

—->A godly mentor may not even realize that they have anything to offer. You may have to ask them to please help you!

So, how do you know who she is? She’s the one that uses wise speech, does not gossip to you or about you, is gentle in nature with others, handles trouble with meekness, is thankful and content in life and lives a life of humility. In short, she has been changed by Christ. You’ll know her because other Christian women want to be around her.

A mature Christian NEVER thinks they have arrived and have all the answers.

I deliberately left off number 10. Your turn: What would you say #10 is? What is a must for a mentor in your book?