Old Stone Walls and Family Boundaries

My idea of a perfect fall day is taking a long drive along  the back roads of New England to see the old houses and decor. Of course, I’m holding a pumpkin spice latte in my hand and we’re headed to some farm stand, preferably one that sells macoun apples, cider donuts, and mums.

I’ve always been fascinated by the lovely stretches of fieldstone walls that run though large pastures with no sign of anything else around them. They must have marked the boundary of some old farm once upon a time.   Some say that the earliest settlers made the walls as they cleared the stone from their land so they could farm. Others say that the Native Americans built them.

Back in the day, I wonder if they lined roads that people traveled on or separated farm lands, or just added protection for flocks.

Boundaries have different functions. Some lead the way and define acceptable places to walk. Boundaries show possession. They mark where safe pastures end. They hem things in and keep unwanted intruders out.

When I see these old walls, I can’t help but think of the spiritual boundaries and convictions  that serve as markers to show us the way or keep us out of unacceptable or forbidden places.

Though it’s very much frowned upon even in the church, seen as old- fashioned, uptight, or prudish,  personal boundaries and family boundaries are necessary.

In our home, we set up boundaries around:

• places we will go or not go,
• things we’ll watch or not watch,
• limits on our time,
• limits on our exposure to the non-virutous elements of society,
• limits on what we feed our mind and bodies,
• limits on close friendships,
• limits on what we’ll wear or not wear, say or not say, look at or not look at.

I can hear it now, the accusations–>YOU BIG LEGALIST, Sarah.

You may have to ignore the accusation of being a legalist if you can’t show a chapter and verse for your boundary, but it’s ok, if you are using it in cooperation with Christ for your sanctification, and not depending upon it for your salvation.

We live in a culture that assumes that moral and spiritual boundaries are there to make our lives miserable and that living without restraint is the way to happiness. Freedom to do whatever is EVERYTHING in this culture.

Except, we take pre-cautions and set boundaries in every other aspect of life, especially safety.

Today we have anti-bacterial wipes for our shopping carts, and flu shots just in case. We have mace on keychains and essential oils in tow for every foreseeable ailment.  We don’t let our kids walk alone, or be without a cell phone. We want to know who they are with, and when they’ll be back. We set boundaries around cell phone use and gaming time. We send out warnings on FB about not being alone in a parking lot and what to do if you are grabbed or abducted.

So, if it’s wise to set up safeguards for our health and happiness, isn’t our spiritual safety worth considering?

Our family boundaries should represent Biblical truth, ideals, and non-negotiables so we can walk in a manner that is pleasing to Christ. This doesn’t just happen without planning or thought.  I don’t want to do XYZ so we’ll stop ourselves here (a boundry) from going that direction.

Edith Schaeffer, in Common Sense Christian Living discusses the plight of Jerusalem in the days of Nehemiah. Nehemiah was heartbroken to hear that Jerusalem was left open to attack because its walls were broken down. Nehemiah, of course, followed God’s leading and started to formulate a plan to rebuild the walls.

Edith says of this story,

“Today we live in a time when walls have indeed been broken down all around us…If your imagination is vivid, please picture the stones in this imaginary wall as “ideas”, “ideals,” “standards,” “principles.” In the rubble as we see pictured after a bombing lie stones and dust, stones consisting of broken families, broken understandings of what human beings are, shifting morals, lack of any unchanging base for law or justice, shifting standards, lopsided humanistic teaching in schools, a low view of moral life, inconsistent reasons for supporting life or death, instability tumbling in clouds of dust rather than firm assurance coming from any area in the humanistic media.”

Today we hear that all ideas are valid and that just isn’t true. All ideas have a source and an end. Ideas have consequences. There’s no right way to do anything, people insist. Who are you to judge? The only right way is how you feel it should be.

Can this be true? Do we use this standard across the board when we book a hotel or choose a restaurant? Isn’t the entire reason “reviews” exist so we can make judgements– good or bad– on everything from products, to skin care, to restaurants and even churches?

When you read the Bible, and you find that God does indeed have expectations, and in Christian families, God’s expectations should be the basis for our boundaries, because we believe that God’s ways are best and we understand that sin is invasive, deceptive, and aggressive.

Oh, it won’t be a big deal, this little compromise, we think. We never imagine that our negative thought will lead to negative relationships or actions. The man who drinks recreationally never believes he’ll struggle with alcoholism. The person who pops pills or uses drugs never envisions themselves a heroin addict or they’d never have touched it in the first place.

Think this sounds prudish? Do you suspect that we don’t like to have fun? Nothing could be farther from the truth. Life is best lived in obedience to the will of our Good God. Some believe that God is just out to ruin a good time with all that holiness talk. But God knows that living in darkness will only make the soul dark and unfulfilled.

We believe that sin is deceptive and waits to devour, destroy, and kill and leads to more emptiness.

I don’t want to be the one to lead my child by the hand towards sin and then wonder why they have their hands in it later on down the road.

Also, there’s none like Christ. There’s beauty in obedience, and joy that rises above all circumstances as His Spirit indwells us. The path of loving God with all your heart, soul, and strength leaves other things paling in comparison.

The next time you see those beautiful, old stone walls, think of your own life and the boundaries you’ve set for you and your children and someday, your grandchildren. Pray that God would show you where you are weak in your conviction or disobedient or enslaved. What sin are you complacent about that breaks God’s heart? Consider what might need repair. Where have you compromised? How can you begin to obey today in the next right thing?