Missionary Wives Furlough Q&A

This is not a post I intended to write, but missions seems to be something that is on my heart lately.

Perhaps it is because my oldest daughter is just finishing up a 10 week missions trip through Germany.

Perhaps it is because of the visit we had with the good people of Frontline Missions recently. Maybe because we’ve been viewing the Dispatches From the Front Video Series as a family.

But after all the wonderful email from missionary wives who answered my questions for this series (here and here) and the transparency in which they wrote, I only had more questions.

Many wrote of events that unintentionally discouraged them on furlough. And I wanted to know what we as a local church could do to encourage them and make their furlough a blessing.

Here are their answers.

Question 1:What way can the local church encourage you while you are home on furlough? 

There are so many ways that local churches encourage us. Each church has its own personality and its own way of showing us love. Some shower us with gifts of money or gift cards. Some look for ways to meet specific physical or material needs. Some know us by name, ask us about people mentioned in our prayer letters, and assure us of their regular prayers. Many do combinations of these things.

There are lots of blessings.  One is time spent with ladies’ who genuinely care about me and ask questions to learn my needs and then pray for me.  One ladies’ group has blessed my heart as I have heard from them of their prayers for me.  While on furlough, I had the privilege of speaking to their women’s group and then witness first hand as they took time to pray for each missionary.  That means more than any words can say.

The best experiences we have had has been when churches/church families invite us to their “fun” activities – church picnics, youth meetings, ice skating, etc.  It’s fun for our entire family, our kids form friendships, and we get to know the people who support us.  One family even invited our boys to their boys’ birthday party.

Question 2: What is unintentionally hurtful to you? What discourages you?

Coming for a meeting and finding out that the pastor is gone. We love to deepen our relationship with churches during our visit and that is more difficult when the regular leadership isn’t there.

What I found to be most unintentionally hurtful to me on furlough was how our home church wouldn’t really allow me to serve while we were there.  I know they wanted to make me feel like an honored guest, but it felt like they thought they couldn’t trust me or didn’t want me to be involved.

It is unintentionally hurtful when supporting church members don’t know who you are.

When some of our strong churches seem to be compromising some of their convictions and we come back and don’t know the songs that they are singing and find it hard to worship in the services.

When a supporting church doesn’t know anything about us in advance. At one church, the pastor approached us minutes before the service and was asking us information that he was jotting down quickly on a little card. “You are serving in _________, right? You have how many children? How long have you been there? etc…..” I was dumbfounded that if nothing else, he didn’t even bother to consult our prayer card or prayer letter before we arrived. I suppose I over-estimated the prayers and simple INTEREST that our supporters would have for our ministry.

What is discouraging to me is how people would comment to me about how much they sacrifice to give to missions, sort of putting me on a guilt
trip for ‘taking their money.’

When we first arrived back to our homechurch on furlough, there
were so many families that immediately asked us to come over to their
house when we had time.  So when we contacted them to set a time, only one
of the ten or so families had any time to meet with us after all.  The one
that made the time was a real blessing.

The complacency we see toward holiness, in general. As we have tried to encourage our kids to “stand alone” on the mission field for standards that their public school friends or young-believing friends may not understand, we have always felt confident that “in our churches” our kids would not have to stand alone. Our last furlough was a huge blow. Not only did we rarely find teens choosing the high road in music or dress, but now our own teens argue, “Well, at ___________ church all the teens wear that or listen to that.” Instead of support, American teens have contributed to our battle to instill the pursuit of holiness.

We returned to one of our churches (as the scheduled missionaries for that evening). As I was trying to find out if there was a nursery/children’s church provided for our youngest, the pastor’s wife approached us and asked us if we were visiting for the first time that evening. I realize that we do change (and age!), and that probably our visit to the church was not foremost in her thinking, yet I still remember that pang. This was the pastor’s wife. I suddenly felt like the term “supporting church” was misleading. Support? Her comments left me a little shakey—wondering if at any moment I could break through thin ice, because there was really no underlying support at all.

Question 3: What do we need to understand about furlough and what is most often misunderstood?

They find joy in serving on the field with us, but furlough is a different story — riding in a car all day, getting all dressed up, and going to a different church every week (sometimes 3 in one week!),  is pretty stressful for a kid!  When churches or individuals take our children into consideration as children, it makes for one happy mama!

There is a hard balance between getting us involved (so the church folks see us, hear us, and know our hearts) and just allowing us to recharge our spiritual batteries and simply worship with you.  On our mission field, we are the pastoral staff, music staff, youth ministers, custodial manager, children’s ministry managers, guest house managers, special event organizers, etc.  (Obviously we do work to share these various roles, but the ultimate responsibility is on us).  I feel so exhausted as we juggle it all—–and really yearn to just REST.  Sometimes, with your good intentions of allowing us to have exposure to your people, you unintentionally add to that exhaustion.  I honestly don’t know the balance, though.  Perhaps we share testimonies?  Perhaps we can have a meal or two with your church folks?  We typically start furlough very tired from the preparation and ministry planning.  Then, we do the church circuit—sometimes doing Sunday school, children’s church, and Todd preaching.  Of course, this is coupled by the exhaustion of traveling every few days.  By the end of our furloughs (which we make short because of ministry demands on the field), we just can’t wait to get back to our “busy” life at home!

We (missionaries) feel so much pressure to say and do all the right things, as we are dragging our families across the country, forcing them to keep a smile on their face.  Our last furlough we learned a valuable lesson about not trying to please everyone who asks you to come to their church, their house, etc..   We ended our furlough spiritually, physically, and emotionally exhausted.