A Post in Which I Sound Old and Ask for Your Input
Peter and I were recently discussing the seeming lack of pursuing personal excellence in the culture around us. Kids who don’t really care about how they look or how they are perceived. And a seeming indifference to the people around them. {I know kids care about how they are perceived on social media. I am talking about “in real life”– how they look and act in public.}
I know, we sound old, don’t we? Just posing these questions makes me feel a little Rachel Lynde-ish, sitting on the front porch with Marilla Cuthbert waxing eloquent about the ills of society.
Anyway, I’ve been mulling this over for a few days and decided to ask your opinion.
Have you noticed a lack of dressing well in general? I mean, running out to the store in all stages of undress? Routinely dressing slovenly? Hair that looks greasy and messy?
Have you noticed a lack of aspiring to use good manners? A cavalier attitude about what others think in general? A “too bad if you don’t like it” attitude that dominates our culture?
A carelessness about other people around you when you are in a restaurant and someone is acting loud and obnoxious taking “selfies” as if they are the only person in the room trying to eat.
Have you noticed a crassness of speech in our culture? Christian women 20 years ago were taught to speak things that are lovely and elevating. Today, not so much. Potty mouth stuff is seen as funny.
Have you noticed that when it comes to typical women’s duties like caring for kids or keeping a house, the attitude is that these are the least important duties we could worry about? That these should be streamlined and minimized so that we can do what we want outside the house? Does a lack of care in the home effect the people living inside of it and the way they perceive themselves?
And if so, does this attitude have moral implications? What is this all about?
My scattered thoughts:
In the case of clothing, at first, it appears to me to be a confident attitude that says “I don’t care about what anyone else thinks. I’m confident with how I look.” But under the surface, I’m wondering if anyone has taken the time to model care for the kids in this current generation. When I see a person who is half dressed and looks like they just woke up running errands, I wonder inside if anyone spent time with that person to teach them self-respect.
I wonder if our autonomous culture is partly to blame. We don’t know our neighbors anymore, so we are virtual strangers when we shop or run errands. We don’t have to care what people think, because nobody knows us anyways.
When I walk into a house that is not well cared for, is full of dust or odors like dirty dishes or stale air, I wonder why excellence in housekeeping for the sake of loving those in your home well is not considered important. (not impeccable, mind you, but pleasant and clean.)
I know that the concept of right and wrong is deemed old fashioned today. “Everything goes” is the mentality. But certainly a future employer does not see the world this way. There is a right way to show up for work: on time, in proper dress, and ready to work efficiently.
When I go to a hotel, I expect the room to be clean. I don’t expect an anything goes mentality from the hotel staff. I want order, beauty and effort to be seen in that establishment.
Have we failed to teach this current generation basics here? Is it a backlash from a generation that cared too much about what others thought?
Help me think this through, won’t you? I realize that my thoughts are rambling a bit, and I admit, I am just working through this in my mind. I look forward to your thoughts.
~Sarah
It started by rewarding everyone as “winners” even when they failed, and passing kids to the next grade even when they never cracked a book open. And now everyone feels entitled to flaunt their own comforts in public, because hey – they’re a winner, too! We’re such a me-centric society these days. If I like it, I’ll do it, despite what it says about my character or how it may discourage others from doing their best.
I guess that makes me old, too.
Have you read Generation Me? Eye opening book, really, about the shift from doing what’s best for your family and community to what we have today which is doing what is best for self. And this is not just a secular problem. When did we stop thinking about others when it comes to manners? When did parents stop teaching that your clothes send messages about you and really do affect how others respect you and treat you? Why is excellence in home care seen as a waste? I feel most pampered when I’ve had a delicious lunch set before me in a beautifully presented tray with a gorgeous tablecloth, lit candle and single stem flower. It shows care to me.
I agree with Susan above-it is the don’t judge attitude and anything goes. I remember reading a post from a blogger I respected a lot last summer. She really dissed using table clothes, china, etc.. There was no room for if you enjoy that kind of stuff. It was just old fashioned and ridiculous. I set a pretty table because I love setting a pretty table. I don’t feel it makes me better than anyone else. I don’t look down on others who show me hospitality and serve me on paper plates. Regardless, the don’t judge attitude has led to lowered standards.
I do say that I am a 50s housewife living in a 70s body.=)
Oh, we share a love of pretty dishes!! AND I LOVE pretty paper goods. My fav purchase is to pick up packages of pretty napkins and china looking paper plates for entertaining large groups. Flowers, candles and general prettiness makes dinner an “occasion!”
I totally agree with you, and I don’t think you sound old, but questioning such things is indeed rare. Usually if you raise children who have entitlement issues, do not assume responsability for their own actions, think super hightly of themselves and get what they want all the time, the result is young people who lack enthusiasm for life because they have already tried so much… On the other hand, with modern families becoming more disfunctional each day, there’s no loving environment that will contain them but instead they are left with bitter experiences that taint forever their outlook on the future. Thus they become cynical and accuse others of hypocrisy… they’re the “real deal” and don’t care what others think because nobody really shows that they care. Thus the vicious cycle continues. Thanks for the post!
I do think that modern families must be failing somewhere to not teach their children to aspire to their best, and to also fail to teach children that manners are not just for stuffy society or for some strict code of ethics, but to display the mindfulness and preciousness of others.
Yeah, who want’s to be “Rachel Lynde?” : )
“It’s an ill wind that blows no good, that’s what!” lol
Hmmm. I think it is generally the attitude “don’t judge” that has slowly “trickled down” to every level of society. In effect we have no more “social norms” with which to judge because everyone is “free to be me” (whatever “me” may be). As with all things it’s the end of that pendulum swing and then no one is really able to legitimately say “maybe we have gone a bit too far with this ‘freedom’ and ‘ don’t judge’ attitude” because any standard is seen as anathema.
Yes, Susan. Your last sentence makes so much sense. “Any standard is seen as anathema.” But how do they adapt to the working life? An employer is going to tell you what they want and the image they are working towards w/o regard to their feelings. I wonder if this current generation bristles at the idea of having to perform well to be paid{as in, excellence in the hospitality business, by wearing a uniform, your hair cut a certain way, or like the famous strict dress code for Disney employees.}