Revolutionary Parenting: What the Research Shows Really Works

One of the topics that I am passionate about is parenting. I love being a mom, and I have spent years reading, reading, reading about being the best wife and mother I could be. People seem to ask me their child raising questions, and have told me that I should write someday about child raising and family life. I can totally relate to young mothers who felt clueless, because I was there.  Peter and I were the first in our family to have children on both sides of our family, so we were going through all of these stages alone with little to no guidance.  I prayed for wisdom. A lot. And today, when people ask me about parenting, I tell them honestly that God seemed to give us the answers we needed when we prayed.

Parenting today is really a counterculture activity. It’s a lifetime, long distance run, not a 15 minute a day workout. You need to be all there for your kids, even though it is exhausting! The “quality time” rhetoric is such junk. Ask a child if they want quality time or  quantity time.  They want both.  George Barna, a world-renouned researcher conducted a series of surveys to uncover a number of common denominators to successful parenting.  He then wrote “Revolutionary Parenting,” a book that my friend, Niki gave to me and that totally excited me. (I love George Barna’s research anyway, don’t you? So interesting!)

I found this quote to be quite eye opening:

“American Culture does not support the notion of parenting being a full time job. In fact, many in our society look down upon those individual, most often women, who devote the largest share of their “business hours” energy to being stay at home parent…

The dominating parenting philosophy of America is clear and widely accepted: Parents must do the best they can raising their kids on the fly and providing them with “quality time” and costly goodies meant to convey parental affection. At the same time, they must invest themselves wholeheartedly in “providing for the family” through career ascension thus gaining the approval of fellow citizens who understand the challenge of the daily juggling act. In this context, American Society enables and encourages parents to make child rearing a communal affair, relying upon institutions such as school, community organizations, churches, the mass media and government agencies to pick up the slack and cover for parents while they are trying to change the world in their nine-to-five roles.” pg.28-29

As a Christian, your parenting goals will be different from the culture around you. But all parenting in general should assume:

You have an end product in mind.  “Begin with the end in mind.” Decide your goals, and then figure out how to accomplish your goals. You are the guide. You need to lead. If you don’t, they will follow someone else.

If you are trying to raise a child that loves God with all their heart, soul and mind, yet you neglect daily Biblical instruction, go half heartedly to church, complain about what God has provided or your circumstances, you may be surprised to find that what you thought were your goals were not what you lived out.

You are an example to your child.  Primarily You. Not a teacher, Sunday School teacher, Cub Scouts leader.

You are there to encourage and guide your child’s heart and mind. Real time, not delayed. There is no DVR parenting–the “I can do it or say it later” mentality.  No. Be there when they are excited and want to share, or you miss the opportunity. Guiding your child doesn’t mean endless chattering about what they should and should not do. “Do this…oh…don’t do that!” Guiding means talking WITH them not at them. Big difference. Think of how you would feel if you were  talked “at” {lectured?} all day. Then think of the difference if someone spent time talking with you– a give and take of ideas. You feel valued and connected.

You figure out the best way affect your child. Each child has different needs, and just because you do something a certain way, does not mean that it is best for your child. Adjust to reach that child!

More on Spiritual Parenting tomorrow!