What Do You Do When It’s the “Worst of Times”? {Ministry Wives Monday}

Today, my friend Charity is guest posting for us. Charity and I met years ago at a youth workers conference we attended with our husbands. I recall sitting in a circle during a youth pastors’ wives open forum, and listening to some of the other wives bemoaning the fact that the ministry was hard and that their husbands were always gone, etc…Charity spoke up and mentioned that many of the lay-men men in the church work full time jobs AND volunteer at the church, so we can’t really allow ourselves to complain about our husband’s time away at the church…after all, this is what he’s getting paid to do! I liked her from that moment on and decided to get to know her better!

I know Charity will bless you!

What do you do when it’s the “worst of times”?

Have you ever wondered what it would be like if your husband was not a pastor? This question often comes into my mind when hard situations come up at church. If you are married to a computer programmer you might talk about the people he works with, but unless he has a really good friend at work, you probably do not know much about anybody’s personal lives there. Not so being married to a pastor. Here are a couple of reasons why: People come to the pastor and his wife for sensitive issues they need help with. You know more than you ever wanted to know about people and you still have to worship with them on Sunday without prejudice, unkindness, or whatever feeling is evoked by their situation.

Another area that can produce hard times is that you often know every mean thing that is said to your husband or another staff member. How do you weather these storms that so often come? How do you guard yourself so you do not grow bitter at people or weary of them?

Pray

The Bible says to “pray without ceasing” (1 Thessalonians 5:17) and “the prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working” (James 5:16b). God wants us to talk to Him. Prayer is powerful to change any hard and bad situation. However, remember that God’s purpose in every situation is that people would become more like Him (Romans 8:28-29), and therefore the situation may not go as you would like (Isaiah 55:8-9). Claim the promise that God will do “far more abundantly than all that we ask or think” (Ephesians 3:20)!

Protect

Protect your mind and emotions in two ways. First have your husband not tell you about situations that you cannot handle. You have to have humility to ask this if this is not already his policy. This would be in accordance with 1 Peter 3:7 to show honor to you:

“Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”

Second, take control of your own thoughts:

“Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ” – 2 Corinthians 10:5 (KJV)

We are very good at blowing situations out of proportion in our minds. Throw those thoughts away! Make sure every thought is in obedience to Christ! (Read Philippians 4:8 for further study.)

Prudence

The word prudence sounds like a stuffy puritan word. However, if more Christians were prudent, we would have better testimonies! The definition of prudence or to be prudent is “wise or judicious in practical affairs; … discreet or circumspect; sober” (dictionary.com) How can we be wise in hard situations?

1. Control your tongue.

“When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent … The lips of the righteous know what is acceptable, but the mouth of the wicked, what is perverse.” – Proverbs 10:19, 32

This applies to the spoken and written word. Stay out of texting, Facebook, and tweeting wars when it comes to sensitive church information. All serious conversations should happen in person. When people are cruel to you or your husband with their words, be careful what you say! You will save yourself from sinning if you do!

2. Control your actions.

“A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.” – Proverbs 25:28

We are defenseless when we refuse to control our actions. We are like a city with no protection. Self-control protects us.

3. Speak in private.

Protect your children and other church members from knowing about these things. Speak only to your husband about these matters in private.

Prepare

Anticipate the times that will be hard. For example business meetings can be a source of contention. But meetings are planned ahead and as a staff member’s wife, you probably already know what is about to be discussed. You know your people and how they will probably act, so prepare yourself accordingly.

When we moved to our current church, we were following a young youth pastor who had died from a brain tumor. He was very close to a few of the older teens in the youth group and their families. We knew that there would be people who would not accept us and refuse to like us because we had replaced the former youth pastor. Their anger and bitterness at God was transferred to us. We were able to anticipate this and therefore prepare ourselves.

What do you do when people are mean and bitter? I go by two passages of scripture to not take this behavior personally and to help myself have love and compassion towards them.

“And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.” – 2 Timothy 2:24-26

This passage clearly states how we must act towards people who are mean to us. It’s hard to do but not quite as hard when you look at the end of the passage. Why are we not quarrelsome, but we are to be kind, patient, and gentle? So that God may lead these people to the truth and repentance, because Satan is currently using them to accomplish his purposes. We actually have a part in helping mean people come to the truth and find repentance with God. The scariest part is that these people are usually without knowledge that they are helping Satan accomplish his plan.

“See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled” – Hebrews 12:15

My husband and I often say, “Bitter people do stupid things”. It’s no wonder because they have “failed to obtain the grace of God”! God’s grace is the strength He gives us every day to live the Christian life. We forfeit this grace when we allow pride to creep in. (Study James 4 for more on this.) Bitter people have no help from God to live their lives.

Not all situations can be anticipated but I suspect the majority of hard times that you and your husband will face in ministry will be fueled by bitter and mean people. Use the truths in scripture to react biblically.

Remember to not get discouraged during these times! Find joy in the people who are doing right, your family, and God’s creation. Continually feed yourself with His Word and strive with God’s help to do all to His glory (1 Corinthians 10:31)!

Charity is married to a youth pastor and they live in North Carolina. They have two boys, ages 2 and 8 weeks old. She loves spending time with her family, being outdoors, cooking, gardening, and playing the piano.