Raising kids. Keeping House. Choosing joy, every day.

Humility hands over the controllers.

Do you struggle with control issues?

I have. I always joked about being a “smother”–you know–one of those moms.

There’s a certain lunacy to trying to be in control–a fantasy world, really. The truth is that we can barely control ourselves let alone anyone else.

My kids enjoy playing video games. I watch with amazement as their fingers dance and scurry over their controllers at break neck speed and precision. They are expert controllers of the PS3.


Well, the Christian life is about handing over the “controllers” because we know that God understands life better than we do, and that He’s actually capable and powerful enough to handle life, while we are not.

I know we live in a culture that defines  a successful woman as someone who is calling the shots, controlling others, influential, assertive, mouthy and equal, if not equal-er, to men. If you want to be seen as “someone,” you need to take charge, be sorry-not-sorry, and be in control of your destiny.

But a successful Christian woman realizes that she’s not a controller, but is to be controlled by the Holy Spirit. God has plans for us, and they are good and best.

A controller makes her own plans and works to make sure everyone else carries them out. A controlled woman seeks God’s face each morning to find out His will for her day. “Not my will, but Thine be done.”

A controller takes matters into her own hands. A controlled woman takes God’s hand and allows Him to lead and direct her steps. “The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord…”

A controller says too much, does too much, meddles too much. A controlled woman is cautious about running ahead of the Lord’s plans. “Whether therefore you eat or drink or whatsoever you do, do all to the glory of God.”

A controlling woman, in her pride, thinks that she is the only one capable of handling the situation but humility hands over the controllers.

Let me just say this: we are not Spirit controlled woman when we are controlling women.

You may seek to control your kids, your husband, your friends and manipulate to make life work your way behind the scenes. But has all of your striving brought inner peace?

There’s great peace in handing over the controller to the Lord:

  • You don’t always have to be the driver.
  • You don’t always have to be right.
  • You don’t always have to fix.
  • You don’t always have to perform. 
  • You don’t always have to speak or give input.
  • You don’t have to be angry when your plans are disregarded.  
  • You don’t have to be bitter or critical when your expectations were not met.
  • You don’t have to get impatient when people are in your way or not doing things your way.

Instead, just like watching your kids play a video game, you observe and rest.

When God has the controllers

You can watch what He is doing in your life.

You can be at peace knowing that He can handle anything that comes up. Nothing takes Him by surprise.

You can be at peace knowing that He is in control.

You can trust your Heavenly Father because He’s promised that He’ll use the controllers to passionately pursue your holiness and best interests.

Thy way, not mine, O Lord,
However dark it be:
Lead me by Thine own hand,
Choose out the path for me.
Smooth let it be or rough,
It will be still the best;
Winding or straight, it leads
Right onward to Thy Rest

I dare not choose my lot;
I would not if I might:
Choose Thou for me, my God;
So shall I walk aright.
Take Thou my cup, and it
With joy or sorrow fill
As best to Thee may seem;
Choose Thou my good and ill.

Choose Thou for me my friends,
My sickness or my health;
Choose Thou my cares for me,
My poverty or wealth.
Not mine, not mine the choice
In things or great or small;
Be Thou my guide, my strength,
My wisdom, and my all.

Horatius Bonar