For When You’re Spiraling Downward
I once had a problem so big that I let it suck the life out of me. At any given moment, just the thought of the problem could send what seemed to be a brick slamming down into my stomach, and my thoughts would slowly descend, spiraling downward like a bathtub when the drain is opened and the dirty water instinctively rushes down to some lower level until the vessel is left empty. Empty but all-consumed.
That is how I felt.
I was walking through life in a semi conscious state, in a fog. Doing life but not all there. I was fighting to find even the smallest spark of joy.
I am sure I missed things that I can never recover.
Memories with my kids, my husband, and life.
Life. I missed life at that moment, because problems were big and I was living a self imposed death.
When we let problems, real or perceived, become so big that all of life is small in comparison, we aren’t thinking straight.
We *think* we are fighting to hold on to our dreams, to right the wrongs, and to uphold justice, but
in reality are ruining our own lives.
We’re working overtime to fix our idea of what our lives should look like, how the people in our lives should act, how people should relate with us, how our husband should be more dedicated to justice and our brother in law should be less outspoken and more caring, how our finances should be steadier and our children, for heavens sake, should not ever be sick.
Bottom line: We think life would be better if it went our way.
Our prayer is “My kingdom come.” (of course, it is an unspoken prayer, because, ya know, who would actually verbalize that? But that is how we act.)
We forget about God’s kingdom for a time, because we’re so busy working overtime on our own.
If we don’t let it go, the dream of our ideal world, life according to Sarah, we die inside and lose hope, and end up in despair.
Despair is the mental death of a dream that never materialized.
The simple solution: Relinquish your throne.
Acknowledge that God is actually in Control of All Life.
And He is your God, so you can trust Him.
Let go of being right. Let go of being wronged.
Because in the end, our only concern has to be for His kingdom.
Our goals have to be His goals.
We can’t advance our own kingdom and His at the same time.
What consumes your thoughts? Identify it.
Now picture yourself taking it into your hand and giving it to God. (really, it is in his hands already, but you are acknowledging his Lordship in this mental exercise, mKay?)
Give it back to God and don’t ever take it back. No backsies. (and if you do find yourself with it “back”, which is highly unlikely, but let’s just say incase your sister does it or something crazy like that…do it over again. Give it back again.)
He is doing all His Holy will each day. Do you believe this? Can you believe Him?
Resting in God’s sovereignty is the way to resuscitate your weary heart, mind, and life.
Today is life. Today is real. Embrace it and thank God for it as you TRUST God’s goodness towards you.
**Please know that I realize that all depression is not related to “thinking wrong thoughts” or “not depending on God.” The fact is that some forms of depression require medication and thank God we have that available in modern days. This study is for women who are struggling with wrong thoughts and the negative effect it can have on our bodies.
Linked to Courtney