Believing God In the Middle of the Night

It’s amazing how fragile our faith can be, especially during times of waiting or trials.

We teach our children that God is all-powerful, all-knowing and always present, but then we function throughout the day as though He’s dead. We’re Confessional Christians, yet practicing atheists for all intents and purposes.

At least I was last night.

Last night I woke with night terrors and couldn’t go back to sleep. My mind swirled, scenarios played out, and thoughts raged. I tossed and turned. Flesh-woman was alive and well at 2 a.m.

clock

My thoughts weren’t the thoughts of a Biblically sound woman. They were thoughts controlled by fear and doubt. Thoughts I had entertained during the day forgetting that sinful thoughts are sowing a harvest that I would surely reap.

Fear of the economy, money troubles, fears that my homeschooling attempts might short change my kids, and that I’m failing them. Failing. Because I had never heard of Manifest Destiny in History on one hand, and had missed a dentists appointment on the other. And let’s not forget Obamacare, and the economy. Yes, that’s important to remember at 2 a.m.

I finally got up to get a grip. I paced like a crazy woman. I had weeds to pull. I had to stop listening to myself and start talking to myself.

So, I began talking to myself, in my dark kitchen at 2:30 this morning, because I had to. I had soul clutter. It had to go. I recalled verses I had memorized:

“Trust in the Lord and do good, dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.”

“Commit your way unto the Lord, trust also in Him and He will act.”

“But I trust in You, O Lord, I say “You are my God.” My times are in your hands…”

My security does not rise and fall on the state of the United States of America. My security and safety is in God’s hands. 

“And God is able to make all grace about to you so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.”

“The Lord is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing will He uphold from them who walk uprightly.”

My kids will not be ruined by my deficiencies. If anything, my shortcomings are a chance for God’s glory and grace to be seen in our family. My job is to trust and obey His Word. He’ll give me what I need to do this job.  

On and on, reminding myself of the promises that I’ve forgotten as evidenced by my fitful night of sleep.

Whenever I choose to think Biblically I’m embracing the fact that God is God, and I am a created being, dependent on such a great God. I submit myself to God again. I remember who I am and who He is.

When I choose to let my thoughts go out of “Biblical bounds,” I’m living as though God’s a liar and that I know better. I’m doubting His word and entertaining my fears. His Word is true, whether I feel like it is or not at the moment. I’m wise to sift my thoughts through the truth of scripture because as you think, you act and become.

I’m not alone. Scripture tells of another Sarah who struggled with doubt and thinking problems. She was the barren wife of Abraham who was promised a child. She struggled with doubt for so long that she took matters into her own hands and told Abraham to use her maid, Hagar, to be her surrogate mother.  Sarah had God’s promise. God’s promise. And she doubted it and manipulated life to work in the time frame she was comfortable with using methods that God forbade. She focused MORE on her circumstances than on GOD’S words to her. She got tunnel vision and we get it, too.

Doubt is the direct response to looking away from God. If your circumstances are what you focus on, they will dictate how you think…

Since discouragement comes when we allow doubt to dominate our thinking, it stands to reason that discouragement left to fester eventually leads to despair. Have you experience this downward spiritual spiral? Have you grown weary of waiting for one of God’s promises to come to pass in your life? If so, how are you handling your thoughts?

Have you tried to escape doubts or discouragements by racing ahead of God? Perhaps there has been something in your life for which you’ve waited for God’s provision for a very long time. While waiting, did you cling unswervingly to His Word, or did you become fixated on your problem, thus making room for doubt to creep in? Did you become desperate for a solution? Did you look around at what you could do to solve your problem yourself, to fulfill your dream…reasoning that a particular [sinful] course of action was within God’s will, even if that path contradicted Scripture?

 

Lydia Brownack, Legacy of Faith: From Women of the Bible to Women of Today

It always comes back to trusting God to be God. To wait for His timing. To rest under His watchcare and to know that He’s good.

Are you waiting today? In the middle of a trial? Are you discouraged in your own fight against sin? You’ve seen the enemy and it’s you! lol. Have you tried to manipulate life so many times that it’s hard to know what the next right thing to do is? I’d encourage you to read God’s Word for direction. We can’t do this alone. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you into all truth and to give you the wisdom you need to rely on Christ. We need God’s grace, and that’s a great place to be. Don’t give up. Trust and obey.

5 comments

  1. Tess says:

    Oh thank you, Sarah… Such a timely piece, and it’s nice to know I’m not the only one who struggles with this. You’ve given us some very helpful insight. Bless you!

    • Sarah Beals says:

      Thank you! I think the struggle is common. I’ve had several friends text me today to say that they struggle in this area, too. Thanks for stopping by and for saying hello.

  2. Homemanager says:

    Thanks Sarah! I am so glad that you shared your struggle. I have been struggling as well and I’m hearing the same things about sowing, about trusting in the Lord’s promises and also the Lord has been reminding me that the Holy Spirit lives inside of me. I think it is so easy to “feel” like you have it all under control but we can’t do anything of worth without the Holy Spirit’s power. For truly we are battling between our flesh and the Spirit. One of the tactics of the enemy of our souls is to make us believe that we are alone in this battle and the enemy is saying to us,”Where is your God?” (Psalm 42)
    I also am reminded of James 1:23-25 – …he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away and forgets what he was like…
    Praying that you will be strengthened my friend!

    • Sarah Beals says:

      The thought life is so vital to our Christian health. I’m sure it’s the first place Satan tries to strike us. We’re not alone. God keeps us close.

  3. Susan McCurdy says:

    Will pray you sleep well tonight….rest in the Lord, wait patiently for Him.