Archive for ministry

What You Need To Know About Hosting Long-Term Company

March 15, 2013 Sarah Beals 12 comments

Opening your home to a family for an evening is one thing, but what about having guests for a week or more?

Here are some suggestions from our own experience:

window

Give them their own space and stay out of it. If you have an extra bedroom, let them use it. Make it off limits to your own kids.

Be available for them, and be willing to talk, but be mindful of their needs and their kids as well. You can be cheerful, friendly and “available to talk” without being overwhelming and “in your face” by nervous chatter or a gazillion questions. There’s nothing worse than being bombarded with questions when what you really need is to get your young children to bed. Sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is point them to their bedroom and say, “Have a great night! I’m going to bed.” It takes the pressure off them. :)

Think about their life stage and determine what they need. If they are a younger family, they might need their baby to sleep. Keeping the house as quiet as possible will help. Maybe they have three toddler boys and might need someone to take them outside and help get some of the energy out. Include your kids and teach them to “entertain” the kids as part of learning to be a good host/hostess. Maybe the parents haven’t had a date night in forever due to their stage of life. Offer to watch the kids so they can go out!

Tell them to help themselves to snacks, drinks, fruit, whatever you have to share. My parents gave me Keurig machine a few years ago and it is one of my favorite tools for hospitality. I keep a basket of K-cups, tea bags, hot chocolate packets right out on the counter so they can take what they want when they want.

Keep breakables out of reach of kids. If you have something really valuable then put it out of reach. This will make your guests more at ease. When I hear a mom saying, “Don’t touch!” for fear her child will break my nick-nacks, I’m quick to say, “Oh, don’t worry, there’s nothing in this house that is irreplaceable.” It makes me happy when guests put their feet up on my coffee table.

Ask them what you can do to make their day more productive. Women who are living in your home still have goals of their own. They might be trying to homeschool children, potty train children, train children, etc. Ask how you can be helpful. Do they need to use your car to run an errand? Do they need a place to teach their kids?

Give them freedom to come and go as they please. They might want to see friends in the area, visit a local attraction or do a day trip as a family. This is especially true if the couple staying with you is a traveling Evangelist or missionary. They might really just need alone time for their family. Tell them what’s great to see in the area or tell them about library passes you might be able to check out for them to local museums or historic places. Offer to pack a small lunch for them if they’d like to take it along on their day trip. But give them time alone if they’d like that.

Let them use your “toys.” In other words, share what you have. If your kids have toys, bring a basket down for your company’s kids to use. If you have bikes or a canoe, let them use it as a family. A car? Share it. Give them access to your family book library, your movie library and DVD player,  ask them if they need to use your washer or dryer, etc…

Talk about meals. If you have someone staying with you for a week, talk to the mom about the meals you were planning and offer alternatives you can afford. Maybe they’d really love BBQ and not another spaghetti dinner because they’ve eaten that five times this week prior to coming to your home. Ask about food allergies and children’s likes and dislikes. Tell them when you eat and how you handle meals.

Give them clean towels and facecloths or point them to the linen closet so they can use the showers as they will.

I know this list is just the beginning, so what would you add? What have you learned about hosting people for longer periods of time? Share your wisdom in the comments.

Homemaking, ministry

20 Easy, Inexpensive, Warm-Weather Ways to Entertain

March 13, 2013 Sarah Beals 6 comments

Spring and summer are some of the best times to entertain and show hospitality. As the warm weather comes, you can move your party outside and enjoy warm evenings together. Casual barbecue dinners, sitting in the sunshine sipping lemonade with friends or more elegant dining on the patio with votive candles a-twinkling make this my favorite time of the year for hospitality!20 easy ways to entertain lemonade

But, the best kind of entertaining happens when we aren’t frazzled when guests arrive. Gourmet cooking might be your passion, but for the rest of us, I humbly offer these easy ideas that are perfect for the warmer weather that’s ahead of us!

1. Simple Chips and Salsa:  Find pretty linen napkins that you love. Line a basket with the colorful cloth, fill to the brim with warm tortilla chips and serve with my dad’s amazing salsa recipe here.

2. Soda Floats: In the summer, make root beer floats and serve them with a big scoop of vanilla ice cream and a fun striped straw.

3. Movie Night: Initiate a movie night. This is especially great for families with little kids. The kids sit and watch the movie and munch popcorn while the grown ups gab in the kitchen.

4. Game Night: Invite some couples over for some favorite board games and serve simple brownie ice cream sundaes. You can use muffin tins to bake individual brownies in. While they are still warm, push the middle down to form a small indent for ice cream.

5. Pizza Night: Make your own pizza night. Make or buy pizza dough, and let everyone make their own pizza. The toppings are endless: pepper, onion, mushrooms, pepperoni, etc…

6. Coffee Double Date: Dessert and coffee with friends. (Or if you are in the north, iced coffee with friends!)

7. Cheese and Fruit Tray: Make an artisanal cheese and fruit platter. Serve ice tea in stemware and you’ve got an easy table assortment that everyone will pick at while you talk.

8. Use your crock pot. Crock pot meals take the last minute pressure off you as a hostess, and is usually forgiving if guests are late.

9. Frozen Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough: Keep chocolate chip cookie dough in the freezer so you can pull them out in a pinch when company drops in unexpectedly.

10. Soup and Salad: Have a soup and salad get together. Ask each family to bring a different soup. You provide the salad and rolls. Easy.

11. Play Date: Have a young moms play date. Ask the moms to bring snacks for their own kids since they usually have a preference as to what they eat, and you focus on the adult snack. Child proof your house so the moms can relax.

12. Casual Brunch: Have friends over for a casual brunch. Homemade waffles topped with fresh fruit, sausage, orange juice and coffee.

13. Grill Out: Invite friends over for burgers on the grill. Make a platter of toppings like lettuce, tomato, cheese, onion, pickles, bacon, etc. In the warm weather, sit outside and place a candle on your table for atmosphere as the sun goes down. Grill corn on the cob. Delish.

14. Share a slice of your life: When Rebekah came home from her missions trip, we had several couples over for snacks and to view her trip pictures. We shared stories and enjoyed Christian fellowship.

15. Last Minute Meet Up: Initiate a meet-up at the park, beach or local attraction with other moms with young kids. Pack your own lunches, spread a blanket and enjoy the company.

16. Pretty Presentation, but all Pre-Made. You can find so many delish goodies at places like Trader Joe’s.  Again, use your ninja display skills to make something simple look elegant. Crackers topped with mild brie cheese and fruit jam, heat and serve hors d’oeuvres, store bought bruschetta on french bread, brie and cranberry wrapped in phyllo dough.

17. Beach Trip: If you like near the ocean, pack up the kids and a lunch and meet friends for a fun days of sand and sun. (the kids play beautifully at the beach and moms can talk!)

18. Taco Bar: Make your own tacos with all the fixings. Easy and inexpensive and kids love to make these.

19. Baked Potato Bar: Purchase large baked potatoes, bake and serve with lots of toppings including sour cream, cheese, chives, bacon, chili, or whatever you love.

20. Potluck BBQ: Everyone brings their own meat to grill and something to share: baked beans, potato salad, strawberry summer salad, or whatever you love. If you have a large party, ask them to bring their own lawn chairs as well. You provide drinks, plates, meat for your family and something sweet for dessert. Easy way to entertain a crowd.

When you have kids over, consider putting out bubbles, sidewalk chalk, jump ropes or other age appropriate toys that they can enjoy while the adults chat. It makes it easier for the parents and more interesting for the kids.

What are your favorite ways to entertain in the warm weather? Feel free to share in the comments!

 

Hospitality, Interests, Joy, ministry , ,

Hospitality 101 Series

March 8, 2013 Sarah Beals 7 comments

My sweet friend Niki asked me to share some ideas for extending hospitality in the home, a topic that I am happy to cover because it is near and dear to my heart.

In the last few years, I’ve been asked to speak several times to women’s groups on using the home for hospitality, and it seems that God is moving women to open their eyes to all that we have at our disposal in our homes for the sake of the gospel. (Stuff we often take for granted or complain about!)

I believe hospitality is one the most underestimated, under-utilized ministries in the church today.

I believe our homes are the “hidden talent” (Matthew 25:14-30) of our modern day churches, because it is a resource that is rarely used. Women today value being out of the home doing “important things.” But God says that by being a good manager of your home, and by caring well for your family and others, and by extending our hands–and homes–to the needy via hospitality, the gospel will be well spoken of.

In the scope of all church history, American women have so much!  I wonder what God’s response will be when we are asked how we used our goods (homes, clothes, meals, technology, etc…) for His sake? Were we good stewards of His gifts? Or did we use them for our own pleasure and indulgence? Will it be “Well done, good and faithful servant.” or “You foolish servant!”?

I often imagine the gasping, wide-eyed, mouth-gaped-open look of amazement in the faces of the other saints in heaven, when they realize all that I had at my disposal as a middle-class American woman, part of the top 5% richest people in all the WORLD. I imagine their excitement, their leaning in a little closer to hear what I MUST have done for our Lord with all THAT at my disposal, expecting to hear great things! It haunts me, actually, that thought.  It prompts me to steward our home well.

I encourage women to reach out of their comfort zones and into the community for the sake of the gospel. I joke and call it “Espresso Evangelism.” –Invite a neighbor in for coffee or to just to encourage her. Read out, instead of getting stuck in the rut of only associating with the women of your church, like it’s some kind of country club.  Invite a mom from the community over to your home and befriend her. What are her needs? The gospel? Parenting help? A listening, supportive ear? Counseling? Material goods?

It starts by simply using what you have. Look around you. Of what has God made you a steward? A teapot? A tea cup? Share it for the sake of the gospel.

I love this quote:

DON’T UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF YOUR LIVING ROOM AS A LAUNCHING PAD FOR NEW LIFE, HOPE, MINISTRY AND MISSION.

and this one:

“The ultimate act of hospitality was when Jesus Christ died for sinners to make everyone who believes a member of the household of God.

We are no longer strangers and sojourners. We have come home to God. Everybody who trusts in Jesus finds a home in God.”


I’ve told Niki that I feel kinda silly writing some of these ideas down, because so much of it seems like common sense. She told me that if you didn’t grow up in a home where hospitality was modeled, then it isn’t common sense. So, next week, it’s Hospitality week here on the blog, so gear up for some basic Hospitality 101 type posts.

But before we start, I want to point you to some older articles I’ve written on the subject, and also share some of my favorite articles around the web.

In the comments below, tell what you’d like to learn in this series or share your favorite hospitality tip, won’t you?

Hospitality, Interests, Joy, ministry, Not So Common, Common Sense , ,

How to Handle a Relationship You Wish Would Go Away

February 27, 2013 Sarah Beals 18 comments

How to do you handle a relationship that you wish would go away?

How do you deal with a hurt person who continually hurts other people?

Well recognizing what kind of relationship you are in is   a good place to start. All friendships are not created equal and that’s okay.

Here are my thoughts, however unscholarly, from my own experience:

1. In extreme cases, if the person is verbally abusive/violent and is a member of your own family, you might have to limit contact with them for the sake of your own family.

2. If the person is a non-abusive “believer” who:

  • plays mind games,
  • is competitive instead of constructive
  • thrives on territorial wars/power struggles for control or authority
  • uses control tactics like the silent treatment or angry outbursts
  • uses their mouth to destroy others via slander, gossip
  • portrays themselves as the perpetual victim
  • assumes the worst in others
  • loves discord and feuding

you have two choices:

A. Interact with them:

If you do choose to interact with them, it has to be for one reason: to show them the unconditional love of Christ and to be a good example.

This type of “friendship” is a ministry and really no true friendship at all.

A person who doesn’t understand how to love others can never be a true friend to you, so don’t expect that from them.  Understanding the difference will keep you from disappointment, and will help you focus on loving that person with a Common Mercy “for Christ’s sake”–He makes the sun to shine on the just and the unjust. He loved us when we were unlovable. 

Interactions might look like: a friendly smile or hello, a kind word when you know they’ve just gossiped about you, not repaying evil for evil. You can invite them to your family parties or functions, but be aware that they may spoil your event depending on their mood. (something to consider when considering the comfort of other guests.) 

A good friend of mine let me know that another woman in the church had been gossiping about me for years and she thought I should know what I am dealing with. Her gossip included digs and jabs about ministries my husband and I ran, negative comments about this blog, comments about our kids and about other speaking opportunities I had been given. She was just letting me know because I seemed “clueless” about it. I told her that I already knew all about this “behind my back” behavior.(Several women in the church had warned me about her.) She seemed surprised because this news didn’t seem to rattle me.

My mom taught me many lessons that I still remember to this day:

  • You are only responsible for you.
  • Other people do not have to control you. The Holy Spirit controls you.
  • It is not the critic that counts.
  • Don’t lower yourself and your standards. Be the bigger person.
  • Only God’s approval matters.
  • Don’t compound the sin by joining in.
  • It’s better to be alone and do right than to be popular and displeasing to God.
  • When someone gossips, the poor reflection is on THEM, not the person they are slandering.
  • Love them anyways.
  • Leave your reputation and the results to God.
  • Vengeance is mine, says the Lord. I will repay.

Do I wish this had NOT happened? Yes, of course. But am I devastated because it did? No. People are people. Fallen people are fallen people. And I know my own propensity to sin and am really not surprised when others sin as well. I actually felt pity for this woman—a bundle of insecurity and anger, control freak and “desperate to be admired” all rolled up in one. And I could relate to (and pity) those feelings as well. It is part of fallen humanity. But at some point, she needs to give that all to the Lord to control. I’ve been there myself and know God can help her if she’ll let him. But in the end, she “owns” her own actions.

B. Avoid them:

If you are having a particularly trying week, or you just feel out of sorts or annoyed yourself, avoidance is the better route. If you are not able to love as Christ loved, don’t double the sin by getting into their games, which have now become your games.

3. If the person is not a believer, then obviously their need for Christ is the biggest concern. These outward problems are only symptoms of a bigger need.

In the end,

I don’t recommend confronting this type of person about their behavior. This is not the typical Christian who is trying to grow. This is the behavior of a  scorner, and unfortunately many times the school of hard knocks is their teacher of choice.

“He that reproveth a scorner getteth to himself shame: and he that rebuketh a wicked man getteth himself a blot.”

“Reprove not a scorner, lest he hate thee: rebuke a wise man, and he will love thee.”

“Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be yet wiser: teach a just man, and he will increase in learning.”

But a mocker (arrogant scorner, scoffer. Always cynical, arrogantly dismissive, with loads of saracasm) who is wicked, is unteachable.

“Whoever corrects a mocker invites insult; whoever rebukes a wicked man incurs abuse.  Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you. ”

“A mocker resents correction; he will not consult the wise.”

“Do not speak to a fool, for he will scorn the wisdom of your words.” (A fool, according to Proverbs,  is someone who doesn’t heed the instruction of scripture, although exposed to it. Instead of hearing and doing, they hear and “dismiss” scripture.)

Correction/Rebuke in the church are only helpful to the one who is willing to learn from them (Proverbs 15:31; 17:10; 19:25; 25:12)

Finally, pray that God would give you wisdom when dealing with these types of people. I find that I can barely take care of myself and my own kids, and that I don’t usually have the desire or emotionally energy to get into much with this kind of person. I vacillate between pitying them for their obviously miserable life and when I really stop to think about what their internal peace must be like, I feel compassion, but usually I dread them for making my life harder. (selfish) I need to pray for them and myself, that God’s purposes in ordaining this relationship will be realized.

Tomorrow, we’ll talk about being a mentor, being mentored and I’ll point you to some great resources for mentoring yourself or others.

Note: if you are in a church leadership position, you may not have a choice whether to deal with this person or not. This stuff would need to be confronted for the health of the church. As leadership, you can’t allow one “sheep” to seriously harm the other “sheep” or cause divisions in the flock and this is where pastoral oversight comes into play. 

How about you? How do you deal with these situations? Any other insight you could offer? Feel free to share in the comments.

Christian living, Christian Parenting, ministry , , ,

What Happens When God Answers NO.

November 28, 2012 Sarah Beals 7 comments

 

What is your reaction when God seems to answer “No” to your requests?

This week has been full of conversations with women who seem to be getting a  ”No” from God despite their earnest prayer.

They’ve asked for:

  • extra work to help ease financial hardships
  • restoration for a crumbling marriage
  • unity in a divided ministry
  • physical healing for a loved one
  • deliverance from a person who’s bent on making their life miserable
  • tenderness in a rebellious child’s heart
  • relief from criticism or ungodly attacks from people who should know better

Have you ever asked God for something and it seems He is silent?

I have.

When this happens we seem to choose one of two routes:

We either “try harder” by praying harder or making a decision to be in the Word a little more, as if God will deal a little more favorably with us if we “do” certain things correctly. We assume that we can cajole God into changing His mind about a situation.

Or we handle life our own way and become hard-hearted toward God and others. We die just a little inside because we’ve held on so tightly to what we wanted– what we believed would make us happy.  If we aren’t careful we can become ensnared by anger, bitterness, or a quest for revenge.

Unfortunately, we tend to kick and scream inside like toddlers when life doesn’t go our way.

Did you know that EVEN Jesus prayed for something and God denied his request?

Yes, in Gethsemane, when Jesus was dreading the pain of the cross, and feeling real heartache and sorrow, he prayed for deliverance. Just like us, He physically felt ill.(His body reacted by sweating drops of blood.) He understands and cares when we dread a situation or when we desire something so much that we physically feel it.

And yet Jesus perspective was different:

“Yet not my will be done, but Thine.”

And since Jesus lived a sinless life and yet prayed for deliverance from the cross, and God still said NO to Him, we see that God says no to painful situations for a purpose.

Our suffering is never without purpose. 

The purpose is that through our sorrow or through our deliverance,

either way,

that God be glorified

and that he accomplishes good toward us.

So whether God answers your pleas for deliverance,or He chooses to you allow you to go through your fiery trial,whether He answers in the way you want or not,the purpose is still the same: To do good.

God said NO to Jesus in Gethsemane for YOUR good.

And what we want should never be SO big in our mind that we are unwilling to let God change us through an unpleasant circumstance. And as you hold loosely your own desires, and pray for God’s will in your life, and trust Him with the rest a strange thing happens:

Our dreams and desires change.

What we once thought would make us happy,

the thing that we once thought unthinkable, unpleasant and undesirable,

the thing we begged for or begged for deliverance from

becomes **teeny-tiny-small** compared to our overwhelming desire for God to perform what will be best for us, according to His will, as He deems best.

And also know that our job to glorify God is hindered when we react sinfully to painful situations. When we choose revenge, fear, worry, wrath, pride, promotion, whatever our sinful choice du jour, we are hindering our own growth and damaging our spiritual walk.

I know it’s hard during times of trials, but for your own good and for God’s glory, CHOOSE a soft heart towards God. Don’t choose bitterness! If God convicts you of some wrong doing on your part, don’t overlook it or dismiss the Holy Spirit(quench). Don’t dismiss and downplay your own sin. Harshness and bitterness do not become the gospel or your Christian testimony. A cynical Christian is not a person who understands the grace and forgiveness of God, and therefore will not extend grace and forgiveness to others. You are made ineffective because of your own choice to sin.

Choose to trust that God is good. That if He did not spare His own son for you, than He will only do what is good for you for the rest of your life, whether it feels right or not at the moment.

And remember that His grace is sufficient for us– able to help us to do right and to think right so that our hearts will BE RIGHT before Him.

 

In the same struggle with you today, dear sisters, and praying for you as you press on towards greater love for God and others!

Christian living, ministry

Five Things I Have Learned About Ministry Life

August 1, 2012 Sarah Beals 6 comments

After last week’s Missionary Wives Series, I’ve had several women ask me to write about our ministry life and what I’ve learned.

So, today I am going to give you five things that I have learned so far in ministry life. These five thing have brought me sanity as I walk beside my husband in the church. Not that I am an expert by any stretch, but this is what I’ve learned.

—->I am using the term Ministry Wives to cover all the bases: missionaries, pastor’s wives, youth pastor’s wives, evangelist’s wives, etc…Henceforth and forever known as MW’s for the sake of this article. Mkay?)

Snow Camp with our Teen Youth Group.

1. Being married to a ministry man does not completely define you as a person. 

If Peter became a plumber tomorrow, I would still be Peter’s wife. When pastor’s wives become defined by their husband’s occupation, it’s not healthy. I am my husband’s helper, yes, but my identity is in Christ. I am a member of the church. I am Peter’s wife, and he happens to have a certain job/ set of responsibilities at our church. If that changes, I am not going to have an identity crisis or wonder where my value in the church lies.

 

2. An effective pastor’s wife has a right relationship with God and others.

My main priority is to be in God’s word and reading and growing myself. If I am not doing this, my “ministry” is ineffective, and I am doing the ministry harm. We all know that God’s word teaches that my relationships with others shows my true relationship with God.

You cannot properly represent Jesus Christ while you are giving “one of His sheep” the cold shoulder. The end.

You cannot show others the transforming power of the gospel if it hasn’t changed you. If you want to be effective, live out the scripture. When you mess up, make it right scripturally.

3.  An effective MW is teachable and communicates knowledge humbly and lovingly.

Pastor’s wives get all weird when they believe that everyone is looking to them for ALL the answers.

And when we try to have all the answers, we fail miserably. Nobody has all the answers, and anyone who tells you differently is selling something. Knowledge is a gift–a blessing– and it needs to be used humbly, not sinfully to bolster your own ego or pride. Knowledge puffs up, but love edifies another believer.

We all learn from each other. A friend in another ministry once confided that she knows that God uses her sisters in the church to encourage, rebuke and minister to her. She loves spending time with them, because she knows that God has her IN the body, (vs. ABOVE the body) for her own growth and good.

This woman is godly because in her humility she recognizes that SHE is growing, so she is setting the right example for her husband’s congregation. (and, I might add, this makes her approachable and her husband’s congregation loves her from what I can see.)

I am thankful for my friends in the church who help me with child raising issues, and give me godly advice when I need it. You can’t benefit from the body if you are isolated from everyone else. We need each other.

 

4. An effective MW wife is approachable, yet not in your face.

There is a fine line between being friendly and being “in your face” in an uncomfortable way.

People love my MIL, because she is always available to listen and care and she is consistently kind and gracious to the congregation.A smile and genuine listening goes a long way toward making someone feel at ease.

Some good news: the whole of church attendance does not hang in the balance of whether or not you greeted every person who entered the door.

No need to run around the church like a chicken with your head cut off trying to speak to every person in the building. Say hello to a new-comer, yes, because you love them for Christ’s sake and NOT because you are trying to get them to attend your XYZ church. Don’t even ask if they have a “home church.” That really is NOT the issue. The issue is do they know Christ personally?

On Sunday, seek out the people that God lays on your heart. Listen to the people who come to you for comfort. Encourage the hurting.

5. People will be as  sincere/loving/open with you,

as you are

sincere/loving/open with them.

Many pastor’s wives feel lonely and ineffective. If you read any ministry manual you’ll see that this is a common problem.

I believe this is due to the fact that ministry women have believed the lie that somehow their situation is so special and complicated

and

that they imagine themselves in such a high and lofty position in the church that they cannot possibly form friendships with the female laity. (pride)

Bingo. Satan wins.

Satan isolates MW’s by deceiving them into thinking that they cannot have friends in the church…even though this is not seen in scripture anywhere.  And even though Jesus himself had friends. Hmm…think about that for a moment.

This is crucial because many ministry wives wonder why other women don’t come to them when they have problems, and why other women in the church don’t respect them. People go to the people that they KNOW care about them.

The old adage is true:

Nobody cares what you know until they know how much you care.

People will NOT warm up to you:  {read: YOU disqualify yourself from being able to effectively help people…}

  • if you ask all the questions and then keep them at an arms length distance by never giving them a glimpse into your own heart.
  • pretend you never struggle with sin, and act as though you can’t relate with their struggle.
  • if you seem like the moral policewoman of the church. (Do you feel led to let everyone know whether you would do it that way or not? Not your job…unless you are asked of course.)
  • if they never know what kind of mood you’ll be in. You might be super saint one minute, drive-by-advice-spewer the next.

So there you have it. This is what I’ve learned thus far.

I know this list is incomplete. What would you add?

A Wise Woman, ministry, My Family ,

Five Tips To Help You Deal With Difficult People

May 7, 2012 Sarah Beals No comments

Difficult people are everywhere, and avoiding them is, well, unavoidable.

Meeting someone with a reputation for moodiness can be most unpleasant. It can be something you actually dread! Nobody wants to be near someone who is all bitterness and spews her yuck out at every opportunity.

Cantankerous is the word I use to describe people who look for the bad in everything. If you say something nice, they say something negative. If you like something, they don’t care for it. If you talk about a book that interests you, they say they are not interested. Things that normal, rational people would agree are opinions and areas of taste (foods, clothing styles, restaurants, grocery stores) become dogmatic, black and white, end of discussion statements. “We ONLY shop here.” (well, okay then…moving on!) :)

It is hard to teach kids to be respectful of people who are cranky, and in our home we have just kinda told our kids to be polite but not be “poisoned by their bitterness.”

So, I humbly give you five ways to deal with miserable people. This list will help you in all areas of life:

1. Realize that it’s THEM, not YOU.
You are not responsible for their bad attitude, words or sour looks. That is freeing. Remember–”I am responsible for me.”

2. Realize that hurt people hurt other people.
I have seen this over and over in the ministry. Those who have been severely hurt in life are the ones who try to hurt others. Maybe they have never learned to forgive. Maybe they have chosen bitterness as a pet sin. Whatever the reason, keeping in mind that they have been hurt helps you to be merciful when dealing with them.

3. Realize that You are commanded to be kind.
Just because they are miserable does not mean that that should affect the way you treat them. If you use the old “eye for an eye” method with them, you are being controlled by them and their mood. My mother used to say, “Be the bigger person. Do what’s right.”

Jesus specifically addressed this incase you are tempted to reason your way out of this:

        But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. You have heard it said, Love your neighbor, hate your enemy.

       But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that?

These are the basics. How are you showing that God’s word has changed you? Are you an example of Christ’s love ONLY to those who are nice and kind towards you? Or are you taking the approach that when you are insulted, you give it back twice as wickedly? When you are mistreated or overlooked, do you go into slow burn method and then deliver the ice cold silent treatment to your victim? How dwelleth the love of God in you?

No, when insulted, bless. When hated, love. It is the mark of a true believer in Christ.”love your enemies and do good to those who despitefully use you.” If you don’t he asks, How are you any better than they are?

4. You need to pray for them.
Nobody wants to pray for a mean person, but pray we must. Even our enemies need our love. Why? Because when you display to them the power of the gospel of Jesus Christ to change YOU, you give them hope that they can change.

5. Reach Out. Start today. 

I have taught my girls to be the first to make an effort to be kind, and then see where that leads. With adults, I approach every day as a fresh slate. I usually will give a “Hi, ___________. How are you today?” greeting, and read their response. If they are “in a mood” I move along. If they want to chat, I will do that, too.  There is always hope that they will change one day. To give up on them is to deny the power of the gospel in their life. If it could change you, then it can certainly change them.

 

Where the rubber meets the road.

Sometimes we desire to be rid of these pesky relationships, but we fail to realize that God, in His sovereignty, has allowed them for a reason. A good and redemptive reason. He is trying to change US to be more like him in these messy relationships.

He is trying to chip away the ungodly thoughts and characteristics of our hearts. When we bristle after an encounter with a difficult person or sulk or worse– give it back to them twice as bad as they doled out– aren’t we running life the way we see fit and not according to God’s laws?

Aren’t we forgetting that life is not all about our wants, desires and plans? When we sin against the person who sinned against us, aren’t we putting ourselves up as little gods ruling our own little kingdoms? My way. I wanted A (kindness, love, respect) and instead I got B (insults, rudeness, cold shoulder) so I will respond with the “Reigning Sovereign in my life.” You response WILL show who is reigning in reality–self will or God’s will.

We have stated that we are disciples of Jesus Christ confessionally, but with our actions we deny it.

When we realize that God gives us what is BEST for us, we are more likely to see the situation through the lens of God’s glory. Even if they never change, You need to change. And r

ministry ,

Be That Kind of Friend

April 26, 2012 Sarah Beals 6 comments

 

The question of finding godly friendships comes up quite a bit in my inbox. Maybe you can relate with having friends that just want to have fun and hang out but nobody who is willing to enter into an “iron sharpens iron” friendship with you.

I would encourage you to make it a matter of prayer.

Friendships were important to Christ, and He is the one who initiated the idea of friendship. Although God is complete in himself and needs nothing, He chose to enter into a relationship and communicate with man. Christ had intimate friends and calls us friends.

The problem is not a shortage of women around, but the problem seems to be that there is a shortage of women of the Word.*

Elyse Fitzpatrick describes the lack of gospel centered relationships this way:

This idolotry of privacy and individualism is one of the greatest detriments to sanctification in the church today.

God has placed us in a family because we don’t grow very well on our own. It is still not good to be alone. We need the encouragement, correction, and loving involvement of others who are willing to risk everything for the sake of the beauty of his bride.

- from Because He Loves Me

Perhaps in your sphere of influence, YOU are to be the one to initiate change in your groups.

Be the type of friend YOU are looking for!

     Be a friend who’ll encourage others in God’s word and ways. Open your home up for a bible study or times of fellowship with other Christian women. Be hospitable. Pray with other women about their struggles. Be that listening ear who’ll give wise counsel instead of just commiserating.

     Lovingly confront sin with your close friends. Hopefully this is not often, but it is biblical. No matter how uncomfortable, be truthful when your friends are stumbling into sin. Maybe they are not aware that God, their Master, condemns/forbids such behavior/thoughts/speech. Friends don’t wink at their friends sin. Friends get each other ready to stand before the judgement seat of God. **

But most of all, speak of God. Tell what you are learning about God and listen to what they are learning. This is one of the easiest ways to enter into the right type of friendships.

A true friend:

1. speaks the truth in love, because it is ultimately for your good.

2. does not envy (because envy is the opposite of love)

3. uses wise words, not wounding words:

  • no complaining or griping
  • no slander or gossip
  • no lying (a person who lies to you hates you. Prov. 10:18)
  • no crooked speech (saying one thing, meaning another, harsh words.)
  • no angry words

4. is faithful to God. She does not “sin” with you because you two are such great friends. That would be unfaithful to God and unloving to you.

As your children get older, watch what types of friends they gravitate toward. It is a good indication of where their own hearts desires.

Rebekah was telling me that several of her friends have agreed to tell each other gently if they are doing something wrong. These are wise decisions from such young girls. They are more interested in doing right and getting ready to answer to God someday, than they are about their immediate “hurt feelings” or self esteem.

I can only tell you to be the friend you want and you will attract those who want the same thing. Be proactive to initiate times of fellowship with those who are walking the same way you want to go.

Don’t give up. What can you do today to be that kind of friend to someone?

————————————————————————————-

*If you are having trouble forming close friendships, you might do some soul searching. Does the problem lies with you? Are you approaching friendships in the spirit of 1 Cor. 13?  Are you a loving person, or do you assume the worst about everyone, therefore making it impossible to have Biblical friendships? Are you someone who sees God as preeminent, or do you expect your friends to treat you as though you are preeminent. These sinful attitudes will hinder godly friendships. Are you transparent about your sin and seeking accountability? If not, why not? Read John 13:33-34, Romans 12:10,16, Ephesians 4:2, 32, and James 5:16. How do these verses indicate that others are involved in our spiritual growth? Are you obedient in these areas?

**By the way, your confrontation should not be like a drive by shooting. That would be an unwise confrontation on your part. The purpose of a confrontation is to make someone sound of mind again to bring them back to biblical thinking– not to destroy them. If you are just venting, your confrontation is NOT biblical. The goal is restoring, health and healing. It is better to let someone else confront them if you cannot control your tongue.

 

A Wise Woman, ministry

So Many Answered Prayers this Weekend!

April 23, 2012 Sarah Beals 4 comments

 

I am so excited to tell you about God’s faithfulness through an experience we had this weekend.

In February, Rebekah told me that a two of her friends were having trouble raising support for their missions trip expenses. I began praying for ways to help. God used several things that I was reading to prompt me to pray: “Lord, I have two hands and am willing to work. What can I do?”

After much prayer, I felt as though the Lord would have me do a yard sale to try to raise support. I talked to my mom, sisters, and mother in law to see if they would be willing to donate a few things to try to raise money. They would! A bake sale was suggested. Well, word spread, and grew. Donations started coming in. My family room became the donation center.

 

All last week, people stopped by our house with boxes for the missions benefit sale. It was really surreal.

And all week we had a 30% chance of rain hanging over our heads. But I asked several women to please pray “Beautiful Weather.”

Several times during the week I prayed, “Lord, I would like a thousand dollars. Could you bring the people?”

Well, God blessed our effort. Not only was the weather absolutely amazing, we had a steady flow of customers! Our total was over $1400!

I am just thanking God for His goodness!

I want to thank all of the ladies who cleaned out closets, donated, baked, prayed, called to encourage, told me they were praying. The unity of the Spirit is a bond of peace.

I want to thank all of the guys who came out to eat our pies. :)

To God be the Glory!

 

Christian living, ministry, My Family , ,

Is Your Church A Country Club?

March 15, 2012 Sarah Beals 16 comments

 

I have been brainstorming ideas for an upcoming ladies event in New Hampshire where I was asked to speak.

A few weeks ago, I was discussing this with a friend, and asking her advice. I asked what she felt was the most pressing need for Conservative Christian women today.

Her answer: Reach out to the unsaved community.

She said that if she had to do it over again, she would have gone to library reading groups, MOPS groups and the playground strategically, instead of spending her days mainly with church women.

Turns out, this is exactly the topic that I was ASKED to speak on by the ladies ministry coordinator. Amazing how God works, huh? Seems like this is the topic  on everyones minds lately, because it’s come up a lot lately and I’ve been asked to cover the topic several times now.

Somehow, Conservative women are NOT known for their involvement in the community. How do we expect to be salt and light when we are hidden away in our own little worlds?

And as much as “church” is a great place to be, our friendships must reach past the church walls. This seems like a no-brainer, but somehow it is not.

Christians should never let the church become their Country Club. You know the mindset. The old WE don’t associate with THEM kind of exclusivity. We only associate with others who believe as we do…and for heaven’s sake, MY kids will certainly not be playing with YOUR kids if you disagree with ME. (pride, pride, pride.)

Churches should be a refueling center. Command central, if you will, where we hear the teaching of Christ, so that we can go out and do something with it. It should be the place where we worship, fellowship and reconnect with those who are in the same battle we are in.

AND THEN WE MUST GO OUT.

Here is where many of us fail. We adopt the “non-contamination” mindset which is anti-biblical. We are told to be in the world, but not of the world. And you cannot be involved if you don’t —–> go in. But, we don’t really want to deal with the messy lives of others, thank you very much.

When you realize what you have been saved FROM…

And that but for the grace of God, there I also go…

You quickly get off your high horse,

And mount one that is swift to share the good news with those who could also benefit as we did.

Imagine telling Christ how your week was spent.

  • Well, Lord, I had lots of fellowship with other like-minded believers. At church, in my home, on Facebook…
  • And…I read my bible and prayed…a lot.
  • And, I even prayed for some unsaved family. (bonus!)

And perhaps He might ask,

But what about those around you who are dying and going to hell? Did you tell them that that was not necessary? Did you tell them that I died for them so they could come to me? Why did you play in your back yard and ignore your neighbors? You are my ambassador, but you really don’t have too much to say for me.

IF we really believed that the gospel is what it is… and 

IF we really believed that Jesus Christ is who He claimed to be, and

If we really loved others the way that we were loved…

How might our lives look different?

 

Conservative Christian women are known for many things.

Unfortunately, in many cases, LOVE is not one of those things.

And although I am thankful for the many loving Christian women that have been great examples to me over the years (like my own mother and mother in law) I am saddened by the lack of love displayed to “strangers” in the name of separation.

  • When you meet someone on the street and do not greet them, how dwelleth the love of God in you?
  • When you are rude to the cashier, how dwelleth the love of God in you?
  • When you make distainful comments about someone’s problems, how dwelleth the love of God in you?
  • When you look down your self-righteous nose at someone else’s “stage” in Christian growth, how dwelleth the love of God in you?

Jesus said, “Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.”——->It is hard when you have young children. I get that. But we need to be creative. We cannot be silent with good news like this.

And we cannot expect the “fish” to jump into the boat. Even in 2012 we must be fishers of men.

What creative ways have you found to reach out in love to your neighbors?

 

ministry, Not So Common, Common Sense
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