Archive for Christian Parenting

Small, Insignificant Goals for 2013

December 31, 2012 Sarah Beals No comments

This is the post where I am supposed to tell you all about my New Years goals. It is not that I don’t have any goals, I do. But they seem a little silly to be writing down.

I think my goal this year is to just live fully where I am and to be content. I’ve learned to plan, but hold those plans loosely, knowing that the Holy Spirit will guide me and direct my ways.

In 2013,

I want to be a good mom to my five children. I want my children to be happy in their home. Happy.

What makes a happy childhood and how does this translate into goals?

It means making approximately 300 family dinners this year to be eaten and enjoyed over family conversation.

It means washing and folding 260 loads of laundry and washing endless dishes every day/365 days a year.

It means talking to them during everyday life about our God and all that He does for us.

It means spending HOURS of time teaching them math, english, history, science, music, and art.

With so much to do, it can be easy to forget about nurturing your child in love. Oh, you can educate your child without love, and get all kinds of results, but the bottom line is WHY would you do that?

Love and tender feelings for your children affects generations. THAT is what touches the heart and leaves an impression.

They know when you are just bathing them to get it done, or feeding them so you can move on to more important things. You know, the really big things in life. They feel it.  You can serve without caring, but you cannot “lovingly serve” without caring. This means seeing what is in front of you. Living without distraction.

Today my littlest one is sick. She has the same cold and flu I’ve had all weekend. Being “all there” with a sick little one means entering into her world and problems.

Today, it looked like this:

My little sickie with JTB.

Me: “Hope, which owl would you like? JTB, Frederick or Howard?”

{readers note: These are the names of our owl rice heating pads. Our kids name every stuffed animal or thing that enters this house and they take on a life of their own. For instance, JTB stands for John the Baptist because this owl really believes he is JTB. Frederick Owl is a total believer that JTB is who he says he is, but Howard Owl, well, he’s a skeptic. He is always looking for holes in JTB’s claims.}

Hope: “It depends. Is JTB behaving today?”

In the end, several owls were called in.

I should have known. JTB is always the favorite, probably because of his eccentric ways. :)

Just this little exchange shows her that I care about her situation. I could have just heated whichever and given it to her, but this little bit of nonsense touches her heart and bonds us.

AND, Curious George tried to convince us that he was also sick, but we suspect it was just a ploy so he could watch movies and drink Gatorade.

2. I want to be a better wife to Peter. I want to be happy and make Peter happy. I tend to get weighed down by responsibility and am not always as joyful as I should be. This needs to change. Men are pretty simple. They want a happy wife–a friend.

3. I want to get to know more about my Lord.  This is a basic, I know, but really, it is foundational to everything. Whether you find yourself spiritually healthy or spiritually callous right now (not sure? here are 40 evidences that  you have left your first love) you can never go wrong by spending time seeking God through His word. The goal is to know Him. (not to use Him to get what we think we want.) Whether you feel great about your current spiritual state or not, just do the next right thing. Feelings are secondary to obedience.

I am totally enjoying the book Forever by Tripp and would encourage you to read it if you haven’t already. It has helped me see life a little more clearly, expecting more of God and less of others. We bristle at injustice and poverty, war and crime simply because we were not created to live in a broken world. We were created for something better–Eternity. Here is just one amazing quote from the book:

Here is the bottom line.  Here and now is simply not forever.  This world is not the paradise we were designed to live in.  As you live in the here and now, the brokenness of this world will collide again and again with the longing hardwired inside you.  Yes, sin twists and bends that longing, and it becomes scarily self-absorbed and self-focused.  Yes, you will always find ways in which to insert yourself into the center of your world, the one place no human being is supposed to be because it is God’s place.  You will have times when you moan and complain in your self-absorbed disappointment that life doesn’t operate according to your sovereign plan.  In your disappointment and anger, you will lash out against the people who live closet to you.  You will doubt that the world is under any control whatsoever and fantasize about how much better the world would be if you had the controller in your hands.

Sadly, we all do these things in some way.  But with all the ways sin causes us to lose our way, we still get up every day and hook our hope to something.  Everything we do is somehow attached to hope.  So here is what we need to keep in mind: the brokenness and longing that intersect in our hearts are meant not to drive us to cynicism and despair, but to God.  As we begin to realize that in this broken world we cannot look for reliable hope horizontally, we are at the edge of what we were designed to do: hope in God.  And as we begin to place our hope in God, we get connected to the promise of eternity, where all that is broken will be fixed and made new again.  And as we do this, we look at life in a radically new way.  We no longer ask the broken people, places, and things to be the source of our hope.  We know they can’t be, because they are broken and in need of renewal just like we are.

I want to assess my Proverbs 31 qualities by asking questions like Am I virtuous, trustworthy, energetic, industrious, God-fearing, kindhearted, unselfish, economical, prepared, giving, charitable, honorable, prudent? THIS could take me a whole year to assess. ;)

I do have a few small things in mind for myself for the year, like learning a little more about photography and continuing to write in my free time.

What about you? What small goals do you have for this year?

Books I Love, Christian living, Christian Parenting ,

Involving Children In Holiday Goodwill

November 26, 2012 Sarah Beals One comment

During the holidays, I have found that because I am busier than normal, I am more tempted to do things myself rather than involving my kids. Time is limited, and I want to get things done efficiently, neatly and move on to the next task. Yup. You know how well the old “efficiency mindset” leads to a holly, jolly atmosphere. Ahem.

But, as moms who want to mentor and train the next generation in specific skills, sometimes it is needful to slow down and include your kids (depending on their age and whether they’ve had a good nap or not.)

Today, I want to share some easy ways to include your kids in the Christmas going-ons and general busyness.

Tasha Tudor ,Baking Sugar Cookies

This is Tasha Tudor's "Baking Sugar Cookies" print. My mom gave me this signed print, and it hangs in my kitchen.

1. Let them help make cookies.Believe me, I know that this one is a huge eye roller for some of you because, well, sugar cookies plus flour plus toddlers equals mess. Use discretion when giving flour to toddlers. Side effects include messy, sticky chairs and hair and may temporarily increase the mother’s blood pressure. ;) If you decide that making homemade cookies with toddlers could be hazardous to your health, buy a roll of dough and let them cut it up. It is easier and they’ve had the fun experience. :)

Anywho,

Here is one of my favorite children’s illustrators recipe for sugar cookies:

TASHA TUDOR’S SUGAR COOKIES

1 lb. butter
2 eggs
5 c. flour
2 c. sugar
1 tbsp. vanilla
1 tsp. baking soda dissolved in 3 tbsp. milk
Mix all ingredients together by hand. Chill thoroughly. Roll thin and cut out with cookie cutters. Bake on ungreased cookie sheets at 350 degrees about 8 minutes or until light brown around the edges. Makes about 80 cookies.

GLAZE:

1 c. sifted powdered sugar

1/4 tsp. vanilla

3-4 tsp. milk

Red & green food coloring

Stir together until of drizzling consistency. Make 1 batch of green and 1 batch of red zig zag in thin strips across cookies.

2. Help them make Christmas cards for shut ins. During December, I tend to use our handwriting exercises for this all the time. I’ll have them copy a line of Christmas poetry or a Scripture verse neatly and then give them pencils, markers, glitter glue, etc…to decorate them. We mount them on cardstock to sturdy them up. They help brighten the walls of a nursing home resident and show someone cared.

3. Help them make greenery arrangements for widows or elderly friends. When you are shut up in a nursing home, the smell of a pine arrangement with a cheery plaid bow is wonderful pick-me-up. You can paint empty coffee cans with acrylic paint (or paint a winter scene if your kids are really artsy) insert some fresh floral foam, and add greenery from an obliging tree. Snips of pine, cedar, boxwood or holly look wonderful. Add a pretty ribbon and add sparkly accents like mini Christmas balls or woodsy branches that you’ve painted gold.

4. Help bring music to the lonely. If your children are musical, bring them to sing or play their instruments for an elderly loved one. Or round up a group and schedule to sing carols at a Nursing Home. (Contact the Activities Director for permission, dates and times.) Again, this means so much to someone who is sitting in a nursing home day in and day out.

5. Teach them to give by donating Christmas gifts to those who are less fortunate. Telling your kids that Jesus wants us to help the poor is one thing,  but delivering a meal to a needy family, giving up a coat for someone who doesn’t have one, or buying and wrapping a gift for a total stranger teaches them to give of themselves and puts action to your words.

You’ll find more ideas in my new ebook Merry Christmas, Meager Budget . It is loaded with ideas for making family memories, teaching your kids to be generous and doing it all on a frugal budget.

What are some ways you involve your kids in Christmas goodwill?

 

 

Christian Parenting

Let God Be God {And a Giveaway of Let.It.Go}

November 19, 2012 Sarah Beals 28 comments

Being in control is almost seen as a virtue in our culture. The perfect woman is portrayed as influential, assertive, mouthy and equal, if not equal-er, to men. In short, women are encouraged to call the shots, be a driver, and end up on top.

As Christian women, we know that God has called us to humility, so we shun this whole mindset in theory, but in practice I fear we are just as controlling.

Oh, we’ve re-labeled it, and re-packaged it to make it look noble, but at its core it is still the same.

Right off, let me say that you cannot be a Spirit controlled woman if you are a controlling woman.

We might claim to be “assertive, ” which is code for we are eager to make sure our will is done our way.

We might call ourselves “conscientious” but in reality we want to be in charge of every little thing our kids, husband, church or friends do.

A controlling woman thinks these things, although she’d never verbalize them.(you see, she is in control of her reputation as well.)

Signs that you might be a controlling woman:

A controlling woman always thinks she is right.  If her husband isn’t dealing with something the way she thinks he should, she takes over. She meddles behind the scenes, and tries to fix everything.

A controlling woman thinks that she doesn’t need input from anyone else to raise her kids. (although she’ll give you her 2 cents about how you should be raising yours, you can count on that!) She doesn’t need input from church family or friends. She is Mom Almighty.

A controlling woman gets angry when her way is disregarded. 

A controlling woman is critical and bitter when her expectations are not met.

A controlling woman is impatient when God isn’t working fast enough for her liking.

A controlling woman struggles with letting go: of rights, problems, positions, reputation, of misunderstandings.

A controlling woman is playing god and has set her heart on one thing: Her way.

And in the end a controlling woman is never happy. She lacks lacks the fruit of the spirit because she is not controlled by the Spirit.

You can’t be loving, joyful, peaceful, good, gentle, meek, patient and thankful when Christ is not Lord of your life. And if you are ruling, He is not.

Do you struggle with being controlling? I have in the past.

That is why I appreciated this book so much; Karen Ehman’s new book Let.It.Go. 

I have learned so much from Karen’s books on hospitality, and especially love her manual for hospitality A Life That Says Welcome.  She even let me share her delish crescent roll recipe from that book in my Christmas ebook!

Her focus on God being central in all that we do is refreshing to me. When your focus is right, your life will be transformed. Outlook affects outcomes!

Here is a little about LET.IT.GO:

Women are wired to control. We make sure the house is clean, the meals prepared, the children are dressed, and everyone gets to where they’re going on time. But sometimes our strength of being conscientious can morph into the weakness of being a slight—or all out—control freak! This humorous, yet spiritually practical book will help you to:
  • Take control of your schedule yet welcome interruptions from God
  • Draw the line between mothering and micromanaging
  • Influence your husband instead of manipulating him
  • Learn to control your emotions when you can’t control the circumstances
  • Stop pursuing the appearance of perfection and start pursuing the person of God.

Really, at its core, being a controlling woman is volleying for God’s rightful position as ruler of your life. You can’t rule and be submissive to God’s rule at the same time.

Karen gently exposes our common struggles, offers grace, wisdom, humor and practical steps for us to trust God with the reins again.

You can win one of two copies of Let.It.Go.

Use the Rafflecopter form below. Note: All those who leave a comment on this blog will be entered into Karen’s bigger drawing to win a free Kindle Fire at the end of her book launch!  Enjoy!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

 

Book Reviews, Christian Parenting , ,

The Home Life of a Fully Thriving Child {Guest Post}

October 25, 2012 Sarah Beals No comments

Today I am over at Kara’s blog with part 2 of our “Raising Thriving Children” series.

Yesterday we talked about raising a  Fully Thriving Child.

In today’s post, “The Home Life of A Fully Thriving Child“, I’m sharing what a normal, healthy home environment looks like, incase perhaps, you didn’t grow up with “normal” or “healthy” but want to make sure that your home is a place where kids can thrive. Join me? here

 

Christian Parenting, Guest Post , , , ,

Guest Post- Raising a Fully Thriving Child

October 24, 2012 Sarah Beals One comment

Today, I am guest posting at my friend Kara’s blog. She is on her way to a blogging conference, so I am posting for her today and tomorrow. :)

The topic of conversation? Raising a Fully Thriving Child.

What does the end result look like? How do you get there? Today we’ll talk about the goals and tomorrow we’ll talk about making your home atmosphere optimal for thriving children.

So join me, and I’ll share my goals for raising thriving children.

Children need time alone with their own thoughts.

Christian Parenting, Guest Post

Austen Era Dress-Up Bonnet

October 19, 2012 Sarah Beals 3 comments

This is an easy to make, Jane Austen Era dress up bonnet for you to make for your little girl.

This past week, we were working on an activity for our teen youth group and we needed a Jane Austen-y costume. Emily and I came up with this quick hat that we were very happy with, so I wanted to share it with you.

You will need:

  • a 14 1/2 inch round, flexible woven place mat  {I found mine at Sur La Table for $1.99–it looks like a straw hat, and they had multiple colors}

or

  • a 14 1/2 brown card board cut out {not corregated–single ply. It worked best with cardboard that is the thickness of poster board.}
  • heavy thread and needle {or if in a real hurry, a stapler}
  • an arms length of ribbon
  • floral accents if desired

To form the hat, simply pinch a “W” into the back pinching about 1″ for each side of the “W”. Secure by sewing with thread or staple it, {making sure that staples are flat side on the inside, so that your child doesn’t get poked with the ends when they wear it.}

The "W" shape. Secure with thead or staple.

 

 

back view of hat

Add ribbon over top and secure at the bottom of the hat (near where child’s ears would be) by stitching it in place or stapling.

Add embelishments like ribbon loops or flowers by attatching with thread or stapler.

When it is time for your child to don her bonnet, use bobby pins to secure the back to her hair.

Is this not adorable on my little one? sigh.

Enjoy!

Christian Parenting , , , , , ,

Questions That Were Never Asked Before The Fall

October 8, 2012 Sarah Beals One comment

There are several questions that were never asked before the Fall.

Adam and Eve never wondered why they were created.

They never wondered who was to be central in their thoughts and hearts.

They never searched for something that could give life meaning.

And they never asked what life was all about.

They were instinctively hardwired with the knowledge that God IS the supreme Creator. They adored Him and wanted to bring bring Him glory. They knew His “worth.” (worthy)

Their whole life centered around the Good One, and nothing else mattered. The Supreme one took care of the details, because He was sovereign. They enjoyed  Him. Life was simple and fulfilling.

It was only when sin entered the world that they forgot about glorifying God and His supremacy.

And we forget too, when we live our lives as though God and His word doesn’t matter. We fail to bring God glory when we live like we are central and He is peripheral.

One question should always be on the front of our minds: Will this bring God glory? Will it show the world His worth?

Parenting can be made so much easier when we stop asking “Is it okay (lawful) for my kids to do ___________?” or “I’ll let my kids do X, buy Y is crossing the line, so we stop there” as though every choice is based on whether it crosses

Instead of taking our cues from the world around us (worldliness) as Christians we should be asking other questions:

Will this action/activity show that God is FIRST in our hearts and affections? Does it reflect the fact that God is supreme in our lives?

Am I acting in a way that brings God glory?

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For When You’re Burnt Out.

October 2, 2012 Sarah Beals One comment

Burnout, auto-pilot, going through the motions, grit-your-teeth-and-take-the- next-step-by-sheer-willpower.

These are all “states” that we can get into in our Christian walk.

To be honest, it is easier to keep going in this miserable state than to stop and self evaluate.

It is always easier to be busy than to be still.

Usually when we’ve lost joy/desire for God it is because we are desiring lesser things: entertainment, fun, sleep, leisure, food, drink, pleasures, position.

And when all consumed with all temporal things, we are empty of spiritual.

And God allows us to pursue lesser things to bring us to the end of ourself and to eventually make us long for Him all the more.

“So it is that He allows us to be frustrated and disappointed in our strivings after this or that end until at last He comes to us and says, “My child, I never promised you that if you would surrender, repent and get right with Me, you would have an eased situation, great power, success in your sevice or even revival. What I do promise you is that if you will walk with ME and allow Me to show you sin as soon as it comes in, and cleanse you from it, you will have not these things but — Me. Make Me your desired End and you will surely have that end , and you shall be satisfied, lacking nothing that is in the will of God for you.”- Roy Hession

If you are burnt out, get back to the basics: Reading God’s word, meditating on it so it can change you, prayer and fellowship with other growing believers. Not so that you can “feel” better, or as a cure for self, which again, would be a lesser thing—but to take refuge and to know the best end: Jesus Christ.

What can you do today to kill your desire for lesser things and strengthen your desire for the Lord?

 

Christian Parenting , ,

Dare For More Ministries

September 24, 2012 Sarah Beals No comments

This weekend I attended the GLAM conference at the Wilds of New England with my teen girls. The speakers for the weekend were Reba Bowman and Lisa Potter from Dare For More Ministries who travel the country speaking especially to teen girls and their moms.

One of the speakers was brought up in a Christian home with protective parents and a steady influx of Christianity, and the other speaker had a HARD life from the age of four up, including never darkening the door of a church until she was 21, losing her mother to cancer at age 4, being homeless and looking for happiness in all the wrong places. She trusted Christ at age 21, I believe she said.

They made the point that when Christ looks at the girl who was churched since her youth and the girl who came to Christ later on, HE ONLY SEES CHRIST. In Christ, we are all the same.

The theme for the weekend was living above mediocrity and that the reason that most Christian girls “hate their life” or say that Christianity is not “working” for them, is because they don’t have a personal relationship with Christ–as in, they are not satisfied in Christ because they don’t know Him.

And Lisa gave a great talk to the girls on our little choices, the ones we think are no big deal, affecting the outcome of our lives.

Little thoughts, indulging our flesh just a little, little lies, a little bad attitude, and so on…

Careless, lazy choices; disobedient to God’s word, but in our eyes, no big deal–it was just a little sin, convenient and fun at the moment, perhaps, but in the long run, you are reaping a crop of destruction and you can’t be surprised when you don’t end up with sunshine, lolipops and roses.

Little choices.

Don’t think about doing great things for God, but begin thinking about doing little “right things” for God that will lead you into a lifetime of doing great “big things” for God.

Our lives are the sum total of all our little choices.

It was a great weekend and I am so thankful for ministries like The Wilds and Dare For More who are clearly gifted teachers and are using their talents to benefit God’s people.

 

 

Christian Parenting

The Battle Called Motherhood, and No More Picnicking in War Zones

September 17, 2012 Sarah Beals 6 comments

I have seen a lot of parenting, good, bad and ugly in twenty years of youth ministry alongside of Peter.

I have grieved over the callous ways moms speak to their kids, and I have observed as a bystander, the child’s head hanging a little lower after a parent’s cold, callous remarks.

I have also been that mother myself.

I’ve sat with parents who are grieving over bad choices–irreparable choices–their kids have made, and I’ve comforted moms who lament that they wish they had done things differently.

I have made my own share of mistakes.

And I ask myself why.

Why do parents end up with kids that look so differently than what they expected?

Weren’t there warning signs along the way?

Any red flags?

What went wrong?

I don’t have all the answers, and I haven’t done things perfectly myself. But I do know that to raise children “God’s way”, we’ve got to actually keep God’s ways before us.

This post is a wake up call for mothers who are in the battle called motherhood right now. 

You heard me right– Battle, because that’s what this is. Ask any serious mother–she’ll tell you that sometimes at the end of the day she feels drained emotionally, physically and mentally and spiritually.

Motherhood is no picnic or some convoluted walk in the park. It is war. We are battling for the hearts and minds of our kids.

We are just saying no and are staving off enemies that masquerade as good things.

We are on the front lines, and we are under-supported and under-appreciated.

We feel alone. But we aren’t. There is One who sees all and knows your struggle. And He is the one handing out rewards at the end.

Sometimes I wonder if we moms are delusional- living in a fantasy world–like packing up a family picnic and spreading your blanket in a war zone.

Have you ever met anyone who was living in a dream world? Maybe it was your own toddler who tried to introduce you to their imaginary friend, Simon. Or perhaps it was a shell shocked veteran who was still re-living the horrors of war.

You look at them kinda funny because they just aren’t seeing reality.

Imagine your husband plans a picnic for you and your family. He carefully packs a yummy lunch, a frisbee and a kite and proceeds to take you into the middle of a war zone.

He says “Let’s sit here. This looks like a great spot.”

You look at him in disbelief because you know that sitting here means certain death. You say, “This is really no place for a picnic.” He insists that there is no danger. He has seen people online do it and they looked like they had fun. He tells you to loosen up and stop being so negative. You let him know that he’s lost his mind that that you and YOUR kids will not be eating lunch in the middle of a war zone.

Absurd scenario? Absolutely.

But that is exactly what we do when we let down our guard in this culture and absorb its values. We are sitting ducks in a war zone and then we are leftshell shocked, wondering how our kids got hurt.

I think I need a world-view shake up; a mommy spanking of sorts:

What is reality?

Do you know?

Reality is the truth about life.

Truth is not what I believe it to be, and it is not what you believe it to be. Truth is non-negotiable.

The truth about life is that God exists and rules all things including his creation. (that’s you and me.) God also expect things from us. He is holy and sinless, and when we sin, we are answerable to Him. If we do not accept his free gift of grace, his Son Jesus Christ’s substitutionary payment for our sins, we will be found guilty at the judgement.

You might say, I don’t really like that. I don’t believe it. Again, I am sorry about that because that is indeed truth according to the Bible. That is reality.

As Christian women, we sometimes live a delusional life, and this is where we fall. We are holding our children’s hands and leading them along the delusional life; the life where God is not central, but peripheral. 

We are delusional when we believe that life is a picnic, instead of a war.

We are delusional when we focus on temporal things instead of eternal things, firmly plant our hearts here on earth to the neglect of heavenly things.

We are delusional when we underestimate Satan. {insert eye roll}  If you are like me, you hate it when people talk about “Satan” like he is constantly around every corner and trying to make us fall. I have been guilty of this “oh please, so weird” attitude myself.

As much as I hate to admit it, this is the plan of Satan.

Satan WANTS to make us believe the exact opposite of what scripture teaches. Satan wants us delusional about his ways and tactics. He wants us to think he is a harmless, red horned imaginary creature who does naughty things.

He wants us to believe that our kids are immune to problems, they are really good in heart and that their choices are harmless.

He wants us to underestimate OUR own capability for wickedness.

He wants us to allow our kids to engage in the baser things of the culture.

He deceives us into thinking that our choices are amoral, when in fact every choice is bringing them closer or farther away from God.

He wants us to thing that we can coast through life instead of battling the flesh.

Satan is a liar and a deceiver. The end.

That is why it is imperative to be in the Word of God daily. Reading and applying God’s word takes us through the war zone. It reminds us not to get comfy there, because it is not where we belong. It reminds us to guard our hearts, keep our eyes up, and to watch and pray.

His word is reality.
Reality is:
  • that His people will be different. Not conformed. Distinctive. Holy. You and your kids.We need to ask ourselves whether our lives reflect Christ’s holiness, or if we’ve become SO absorbed by this world that we are really no different.
  • that God’s people are not God’s people in word only. Remember the Israelites? They were all under the cloud and watch-care of God, but God was fed up with their hearts that were “far from Him.”  He is all set with our lip service and ritualism.
  • He seeks humble followers.
  • He expects obedience.
  • He commands us to love others, and to represent Him accurately.
  • When He says no to certain sins: anger, gossip, envy, jealousy, hate, division, you’d better believe that His no means no.
  •  He is no respecter of persons, no matter how big or above the law you think you are in your own eyes.
  • He wants contrite hearts and a reverence for His word.
  • He wants us to realize that He is big and we are pretty small in the grand scheme of things.
He needs mothers that will answer the call to righteous living in their home.
He needs us to do right. Period. Not compromise or blend in or take on the values around us.
And if we are His followers, and if He is our Lord and Savior, our lives need to reflect His,
And we need to teach our children,
His children, actually, 
His ways and His word.
Christian Parenting , ,
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